“For a while, anyway.”
Finn was too tired to argue. Battling echoes for hours had taken a lot out of her. She moved toward the bedroom. “I’m gonna go lie down for a bit.”
Zadie studied her. “Do you feel okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired.” Finn faked a smile and shut the door behind her.
Zadie rested her head back down on the pillow. Her body was tired, but her mind was alert.Mom laid on this couch,she thought. Or at least some version of their mother had lain there. Based on the way Myron had described her, there hadn’t been much left of the Nora she’d known. If she had truly forgotten who she was and that she had a family, could she really be held responsible for leaving them behind?
The thought took Zadie by surprise, but she didn’t try to push it away. She sat with it for a few moments, let it soften between her fingers until she felt a buoyancy in her heart (best known by its street nameoptimism). Even then, she wasn’t ready to forgive Nora, not yet. It was one thing to know your mom left you; it was another thing to have watched it happen, to have seen each deliberate-looking step in real time. That wasn’t something a person got over easily, but Zadie decided then that she was willing to try.
She climbed off the couch and began poking around, opening drawers and cabinets, pulling back curtains, and peering under furniture. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for. As she had been quick to point out to Finn, Nora hadn’t been there in five years. Whatever trail she’d left had probably gone cold a long time ago.
She opened the refrigerator. The only thing inside was a box of baking soda and a mostly empty bottle of ketchup. She closed the fridge door and moved to the sink. Over the sink was a square window that had a compact version of the same view they had seen from the screened-in porch. It was almost dark, but Zadie could still see the rocky ledge that was sometimes a waterfall. This was not what caught her attention, however.
Suspended on the other side of the glass, within arm’s reach, was a bird feeder. She looked down. Like the others, this window had been painted shut at one point, too, but it appeared someone had taken a razor blade and chipped away at the paint to get it to open. Zadie pulled up. With some effort, the window gave way and slid open.
Fresh mountain air filtered inside and Zadie inhaled deeply. Moments later, a robin swooped down and landed on one of the feeder’s perches. It pecked daintily at the tiny avalanche of seeds at its feet.
The sky is full of birds.
“No, not now,” Zadie said aloud, scaring the robin into flight. Suddenly she felt like she was falling. She grabbed the edge of the sink to steady herself.
The sky is full of birds.
“I know!” she growled to no one. “You told me already.”
Zadie let herself sink onto her hands and knees, comforted by the feeling of solid ground beneath her. Her head was spinning.
The sky is full of birds.
The sky is full of birds.
The sky is full of birds.
The words were like a drumbeat inside her skull. She pressedher hands to her ears as if that would somehow stanch the flow of thoughts into her brain.
THE SKY IS FULL OF BIRDS.
“Please, just leave me alone!” she pleaded.
“Zadie?”
She snapped her head up and saw Joel standing at the top of the stairs.
The sky is full of—the premonition receded.
“Was that one of your…” Joel pulled a Finn move and put his fingers to his temples.
“Premonitions. Yeah.” Zadie used the countertop to pull herself to standing.
Joel blinked, processing. “It doesn’t look very fun.”
“It’s not.” It felt good to say it out loud. “It sucks, actually.”
He nodded as if she were simply telling him about a bad day she’d had at work. “What was that one about?”
“To be honest, I have no idea. A lot of them are like that. I just try my best to ignore them.”