“What happened?” Jaxy asked.
“I am officially dumped,” he said. “And my whiskey is wearing off. Stupid body. Metabolizing and neutralizing poisons as if I didn’t dump ’em in there on purpose.” He looked up. “You think I could cut out my liver and stay drunk forever?”
“I’ll humor him onthatone,” Ranette said.
“I’m sorry, Wayne,” Jaxy said, patting him on the hand.
“’S all right,” he said. “At least you dressed up fer the funeral.”
“The…?” Jaxy asked.
“Ignore him,” Ranette said. But then she softened her voice. “Hey. You’ll live, Wayne. I’ve seen you get through worse.”
“When?”
“That one time youliterallygot a cannonball through the stomach.”
He looked up. “Oh yeah. That was something else.”
Jaxy had gone pale. “Did it hurt?”
“Not as much as you’dthink,” he said. “Like, yeah, I got torn in half. But I think my body was just kinda confused, you know? Not every day you’re in two pieces.”
“Fortunately,” Ranette said, “his metalminds were on the piece with his head. Otherwise…”
He forced himself to sit up, then sighed and put the bell on the table, then rang it. Then rang it again. Seriously, what was the point of these things if people didn’t pay attention? The third ring finally got a server to step over.
“Vodka,” Wayne said to her. “Worst you got. Closer to piss it tastes, the better.”
“Wayne,” Ranette said, “this is an upscale restaurant.”
“Right,” he said. “Putta olive in it or somethin’.”
“Was that even our server?” Jaxy asked as the woman moved off.
“I try not to look too closely,” Ranette said. “Given the awful outfits.”
“I hear you,” Wayne said. “Who thought a Roughs-themed restaurant was a good idea? Like, to be authentic you’dhave to have only stewon the menu. Then when people ordered it, you’dbe out of stew and just give them beans.”
“I like it,” Jaxy said. “It’s amusing.”
“It’s insulting,” Ranette said.
“Can we talk more about me?” Wayne said. “Because I’m still over here feeling like what’s left of the grapes after the wine’s been made.”
“Poor dear,” Jaxy said.
“You’re too good to him, Jax,” Ranette said.
“He’s one of your oldest friends.”
“Only because he can’t die.”
“Ranette…” Jaxy said.
“Fine,” Ranette said, then put her hand on Wayne’s shoulder. “You’re strong, Wayne. You can get through this.” She took the glass from the tray when the server came back, and handed it to him. “Look, here’s your alcohol.”
“Thanks, Ranette,” he said, accepting it. “You really know how to make a fellow feel better.”