“Yes,” she said. “Because it’s a lie, Wayne. I’dbe staying because I didn’t want to hurt you. Not because I actually wanted to stay.”
He shouldn’t want her to stay in those circumstances. But he did. Damn him, he did.
Still, he held his tongue. Sometimes you just had to stand there and get shot.
“Itisan exciting mission,” she said. “I get to cross the misted unknown, the dark vastness that Harmony calls ‘Shadesmar.’ I’ll be the first kandra to go out there long-term, with an official mission.
“I get to explore the cosmere, Wayne. I get to go and see everything there is—worlds we can onlyimagine.I get to help those who need it—not one or two people, but entirepeoples.”
He nodded dully.
She stood, then leaned in to kiss him. He wanted to pull away, but… well, he would have regretted that. One long, last kiss, as could be delivered only by someone with a tongue that didn’t confine itself to normal bounds of physiology.
“I did want to tell you something important,” she whispered as she pulled away. “Something meaningful.”
“Yeah?”
“You,” she said, squeezing his hand one last time, “were areallygood lay, Wayne.”
“Really?”
“Really. To be honest, you were the best I’ve known.”
“You’re seven hundred years old,” he said. “AndIwas the best?”
She nodded.
Well now, that was something. Something indeed.
“Thanks,” he said. “That was sweet of you to tell me. It… helps.”
“I thought it might,” she said. “Goodbye, Wayne.”
She let go of his hand and walked out. Knowing her, she’dsend someone to box up the rest of her bodies. She’dpicked the emerald today because it was one of her favorites—she’dprobably take it and the aluminum one on her mission and leave the rest.
He sat staring at the door for a long time. He wasn’t wearing a hat, which meant he had to just be himself. The true him, the one that knew this pain. They’dridden together on many a dusty path. This pain had been his invisible friend since childhood.
The pain of knowing what he really was.
The pain of being worthless.
13
Wax led the way down to the basement, feet thumping on steps behind him as he was followed by Steris and Marasi. While the upper floors of the mansion were dedicated to Steris’s hobbies and the various needs of his friends, the basement belonged to Wax. And he’dmade some modifications.
He’dbegun pursuing metallurgy in the Roughs, where the mining towns often had equipment to test metal purities and the like. He’dbeen surprised at how useful the hobby had turned out to be. For example, few criminals realized you could track their suppliers by testing bullet casings.
In Elendel, he’dexpanded his curiosity tenfold. A basement full of metal samples, acids and solvents, burners, microscopes, and even a room with a forge and an anvil. It all reminded him of the Roughs in a good way. Of Lessie laughing when he made a breakthrough. Of evenings spent folding metal like he was some ancient warrior making a knife meant to kill a god—rather than a novice trying to make a dining implement.
Lately, he’dfound electrolysis and platingfascinating,and his new electricity-powered spectrometer was absolutely brilliant. Together with the graphs representing the spectroscopic colors of various elements, it let him identify practically anything. How would trellium react to that? Or to his acids, or to the magnets?
The questions energized him. It was a kind of excitement he’dlost during his middle years. It was too pure. He hadn’t been able to feel excitement about something so simple and enriching at a time when his life had been falling apart.
He strapped on his goggles. Steris followed, putting on her own, then got out her clipboard. She handed him an apron, and he relented—he was wearing one of his nicer vests, though he’dtossed the cravat aside somewhere. Her own apron was more enveloping and thick, almost a flak jacket. He’donly recently persuaded her that maybe she didn’t need two pairs of goggles at once; she could just order an extra-thick pair.
They set up at one of the tables, where Wax inserted the spike into a clamp to hold it steady.
Marasi stopped in the doorway, then grinned. “You two,” she said, “areadorable.”