It took me a good five minutes to make myself move. When I found Lucas, he’d been drinking without me, and I was about ready to catch up.
23
Cade
I’d just fucked up on a royal level.
It was why I didn’t deal with bullshit and relationships outside of a close circle of family and friends. I could fuck a woman, sure. Hell, I’d done that countless times. I’d told myself I wouldn’t get serious with her. My brother and my cousins were already married off. One of us had to stay sane. It was supposed to be me.
Yet, making love to Izzy in that cabin was asking for a shit storm, because I couldn’t see into the future without her now. Somehow my clothes still smelled like her, my mind still heard her, and my body still damn near ached for her.
In the office today, I’d considered messing up her prim-and-proper pencil skirt. It had my cock twitching just thinking about it. And when I saw that she’d changed into that sinful dress that swayed with her hips and showcased her tits and nipples when she was aroused, I was a goner.
I’d have followed her off a cliff. And going to that damn club was the equivalent. I shouldn’t have fucked with the electricity of a club for anything. Normally, I was controlled, efficient, and didn’t mess with regular society if they weren’t a sever threat. It was a line I didn’t need to cross.
Yet, men seeing the way she looked would have had me blacking out a whole city block.
I didn’t know why. I could get pussy anywhere. But this one was golden.
Goddamn, I was stupid to have thought I’d be able to quit her cold turkey after the retreat. Quite frankly, I didn’t want to quit her at all. After seeing her pain and the way she’d carried it all on her own, I found for the first time I didn’t want to see someone squirm. I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable. I wanted to shoulder the weight with her, to show her that she could handle it all.
And if she couldn’t, I’d be there to handle it with her. Because I saw how impulsive she could be, how she dealt with her feelings around me, how she needed an outlet. I gave her that. And it kept her sane while she kept me humane. Without her, I would watch the world burn and not give a single fuck so long as my family wasn’t involved.
She made me want to see our world succeed and thrive. It wasn’t just a job to me now.
But without me, she was chaos. She needed me to push her, to pull out the real her. Without the real Izzy, the world was less brilliant, less crazy, and so fucking boring.
Even if she hid it from the world, she couldn’t quite hide it from me. Izzy was a mess.
Dirty.
Filthy.
Chaotic.
Beautiful mess.
And I enjoyed the shit out of it.
Except for tonight. Because after I left that club, I went back to my office and stayed there until I got a notification at three in the morning from a damn street security camera. It alerted me to Izzy walking back to her apartment with Lucas. And they were both tanked. I considered whether she’d make it. Lucas was barely standing with his arm over her shoulder.
And fuck if I wasn’t going to look. Was she taking him home?
Because she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. We’d just agreed she was mine. Hadn’t we?
And my brain glitched there. It broke down.
I couldn’t love her.
I couldn’t.
I rubbed my hand across my oak desk and wondered if Izzy’s arousal still coated it. I growled at my mind wandering and woke up my computer screens.
Work. Not play. That’s what I needed to do.
JUNIPER was in everyone’s best interests. I dove into that instead of worrying about her. Until I checked her region and saw what she must have.
And she’d seen it hours ago. Izzy Hardy was a genius at finding information. I’d give her that. But she was a damn slob about what she left behind. Breadcrumbs led me right to her, which meant the Albanians were on her ass too.