A full-on grin spread across his face. “There she is. Now, do you need to say anything else before I take you to the bedroom and fuck you silent? I can’t stand the bullshit you’re spewing today about not being with me. I have other things to do.”
“Do you hear yourself? I just told you I was dating an older man at sixteen and he was my first love. He committed suicide, and I spiraled, and now you’re working me up into a fucking frenzy as if I might not spiral again?” My voice was well above a normal volume as I got in his face, my emotions out of control.
I felt as though my life was out of control. I’d let all my emotions run wild on this trip, and now everything felt like it was all unraveling, and I couldn’t stop it.
He rubbed his jaw, and I heard the scratch from his five-o’clock shadow, imagined the way it would feel against my skin. “You feel like you’re losing it, Izzy? You don’t want to trust yourself? Why not? Have you looked at your life in the past nine years?”
I hesitated, though it didn't matter since he was ready to dive in anyway.
“Because I have. I’ve seen how you operate over the past year. You stay up late working, you walk a tightrope of restrictions, you don’t let your hair down like you need to, and you don’t let that little Harley Quinn inside you breathe.”
“That’s not true—”
“And she needs to breathe, dollface. Or else you’ll never be happy.”
“What if my happy isn’t healthy, Cade?” I chewed my lip and glared at him.
“I’d be happier with a toxic mess of a girlfriend anyway.”
“Don’t call me that.” I stepped back. Fear slithered through me at the same time my heart soared. “I just wrecked your freaking laptop.”
“I know.” He stared down at it. “Want to apologize?”
I crossed my arms because I really didn’t. Our relationship had always entailed me giving him attitude—that was our touchstone—and even here, when I was saying we couldn’t have anything between us at all anymore, my soul was still connected to him. I wanted to be a brat, but I ground out, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Such a good girl. Does it feel as nice as holding back?” he murmured as he got up and slid a finger down my arm. I shivered as he meandered out of the room while I stared at the red roses, the beautiful bloodred roses, still so alive because I’d watered them every day. So many of them the whole island counter was full of glass vases. That’s where the thorns were hidden though, tucked away, pretending they weren’t there at all.
I saw how my little canvas had been propped up against one vase. Cade must have done it... he enjoyed the part of me that was artistic, like he could enjoy my beauty and my thorns, all my problems and my strengths.
He walked back in with a new laptop and sat back down.
“You had another laptop that whole time?”
“Even if I didn’t, the staff would have gotten me one.” He was back to typing.
I threw up my hands. “This is why we can never date.”
He chuckled and then took his glasses off to rub between his eyes. “You know what, Izzy? Fine. How about we entertain your idea for a week or two. Have a weekend to yourself when we get back. Sleep on your side of the bed. See how you feel, huh?”
“I’ll feel damn good about it,” I concluded and nodded my head with a jerk. “Come take this bracelet off.”
He tsked at me. “That’s not happening. It’s a gift that stays on you. Forever.”
“Even if I don’t want anything with you.”
He shrugged. “Seems you don’t right now. So, you’re getting what you want.”
I don’t know why I felt like I was going to cry, but tears formed in my eyes. So I spun around and stomped out of the room.
And that was the end of it.
Cutting off the relationship before there ever was one.
I had to deal with my family. Lilah had called me about ten times in the last ten minutes.
So I did.
I called her back, I shared my story, and she listened without judgment. It was what a sister did. And then she got super pissed that I’d never told her in the first place. I wasn't sure why that was such a relief, why she didn’t coddle me through the whole thing, but I needed it.