“I won’t sugar coat it and therefore be a contributing factor to you losing the love of your life.” She sips her Diet Coke and smacks her lips. “That’s not how I roll.”
“Yes! Nancy! Coming in hot with the slang I taught you.” Goldie laughs, and it gives me a split second to think.
But the answer was already frothy at the surface.
“I made the right choice because Dustin being Jett’s biological father really doesn’t mean much.” I think of the photo of Beau holding the fishing pole, wearing an ear-to-ear grin. His dad Graham next to him, proudly displaying the fish. “A father is someone who loves and cares fortheirchild. And what makes themtheirsis that love and care.” Tears stain my cheeks. “That’s Beau.”
The line is quiet. Dad rustles behind one of them, probably mom, and my stomach rolls while I wait. It’s what I’ve learned, it's my truth, but it would feelso goodto hear some validation from two strong women who I love and trust.
“Tell him that, tell him that, and you will win him back, I promise you because you know what, Beck? Beau loves Jett as much as he loves you. No man plays in a tiny ball pit for two hours for a kid they aren’t obsessed with,” Mom finishes.
I smile, swiping hot tears from my sore cheeks. “I know.”
“But,” Goldie interrupts. “I think you need to give him some time to cool down. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to talk to you right now. Sorry, not sorry. I keep it real.”
I roll my eyes, but she’s probably right.
“Then tomorrow morning, you say all that shit you just told Nanc, and then you cup his—”
“GOLDIE! My mom is on the line.”
“Nanc, I got it from here,” Goldie chirps.
“Okay then, have fun girls. Rebecca, you tell that man those things you said to me because they are true, he is too good and you owe it to him.” She says something to dad, then comes back to the receiver a moment later. “Dad says give Jetpack a kiss, and goodnight.”
“Jetpack,” I repeat.
“Yeah, Beau calls him that. Dad likes it. He’s using it now,” Mom replies easily, as if I didn’t know.
“Thanks for the talk Mom. Love you. Tell Dad I love him, too.”
“Will do. Nighty night.” She pauses. “Goldie, will you come out and do my toes after you’re off the phone? I’ll share the good wine with you.”
“Psh,” Goldie says, “of course.”
Mom disconnects with a loud click, telling me she missed the receiver a few times first. Sounds like they’ve already had some wine. And who even has a landline anymore?
“How are you feeling?” Goldie asks, her tone low and sensitive, a side she doesn’t show my parents often. I think they believe I need a strong, extroverted friend because I’m weak from the divorce, so they like that Goldie fills that role. They’d love her the same knowing she’s just a softie inside, too.
“Scared,” I admit. “Because… I’m in love with him, but I keep fucking up.”
“Yeah,” she says, “to all of that.”
We sit in silence. All I can think about is what if he lies awake all night and comes to his senses about me? I hate the insecurity smothering me right now. I want to push against it, to go to battle and come out triumphant, the most secure and confident woman in existence. But I can’t because I’m justsoscared.
Tonight, he said he loves Jett.
I didn’t even get to comment on that becauseboom, the consequences of my actions detonated in my face.
And I haven’t explained things fully.
Or told him I love him.
I knock my head against the wall behind me, Goldie still silent on the line. There’s just… too much that needs to be said. Ihaveto talk to him. I push off the floor and pace to my bed, needing to lie down and collect my thoughts for a second. My head is spinning.
“I’ll call you later, okay? I need to go. I have to think about what I want to say.”
“Okay,” she says lightly. We exchange goodbyes, and I stare up at the ceiling as I rest my phone on my belly.