She frowns and reaches over to touch my arm, but I’ve already unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed out.
She does the same, and we head into Ri and Beckett’s condo in silence. We find them in their living room, along with Gage and Hayes. There are mimosas, bloody marys, brunch food, and celebratory decorations.
Everyone stares at us as we enter. We’re no longer touching since we no longer have to put on a show. Although, none of them knows what really happened last night. No one knows if we had consensual sex, if I raped her, or if it was all fake, and I never touched her in that way. No one knows what kind of monster I am. No one knows the pleasure I got from seeing her in pain and the fear in her voice. I crave that darkness. Not fucking her against her will took everything inside of me to stop and not hurt her.
I look from one face to the next, waiting for someone to hate me the way they should, for someone to try and kick my ass for hurting Rialta. Instead, I get reassuring smiles from each and every one of them, especially Ri. She smiles at me as if she knows I did something to protect Rialta when I did no such thing. I hurt her even if I could have hurt her more.
I grab a bloody mary and walk out onto the balcony, needing my space. I can’t be here celebrating. With Hayes and Gage celebrating that I’m one step closer to my plan. With Ri and Beckett thinking I’m what’s best to protect Rialta. With Ri secretly hoping we’ll fall in love. I don’t deserve any of their praise.
Beckett walks outside a few minutes later.
“You okay?” he asks.
“No.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
He stands out on the balcony a few minutes longer, waiting to see if I want to talk. When I don’t say anything, don’t so much as even look at him, he goes back inside.
With the exception of getting more drinks, I stay outside until the sun begins to set, lost in my thoughts and memories.
When I go back inside, I see Rialta and Ri talking happily. Rialta puts her hand on Ri’s growing bump, and the two laugh.
“Ready?” I ask in Rialta’s direction.
Rialta looks at me and then nods. She says her goodbyes, while I sulk and walk out without saying goodbye to anyone. I’m not in the mood for small talk.
Back in my car, it’s back to silence.
Same in the elevator as I carry her bag up to my apartment.
Nothing as we enter my apartment.
“You can have the bedroom for now. I’ll sleep downstairs on the couch,” I say, after I take her bag upstairs and set it in the closet. There should be plenty of space for her to unpack there.
I start to head back downstairs when she grabs my forearm.
I flinch at her touch and squeeze my eyes shut as the darkness creeps in.
Death.
Destruction.
Loss.
Dark hair being tangled, pulled, ripped.
Her bare skin bloodied and bruised.
Her cries higher and sharper.
My soul being ripped apart.
I shake off her touch and push the darkness out. When I open my eyes, she’s staring at me with concern.
“Where’d you go just then?” she asks.