“I want you so badly, baby. Especially after last time was so abruptly interrupted.”
“Then you should have me.” I unbuckle my seatbelt and start to crawl across the center divider toward him.
He frowns. “Only for tonight. Your asshole future husband won’t allow me to see you much longer without threatening to kill me again.” He tilts my head back, and I see glaring red mixed with moisture in his eyes. “I gave you up once. I can’t lose you again,” he whispers.
I feel his heartache as I climb onto his lap. Straddling him and hovering my lips over his, I run my hands over his hair and down his neck. Kit peels off my sweatshirt, leaving me in my thin T-shirt to keep my body hidden from any onlookers.
There was once a time I was willing to be the perfect, obedient daughter. I was willing to give up the life I had built for myself and marry Beckett, the man my father chose for me. But like Beckett found a way to choose his own spouse, I’m not ready to give up my hope yet, either.
“You won’t lose me again…” I kiss him softly, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth. He groans, and it vibrates his body.
“You can have me forever,” I whisper into his ear.
He grabs my head and tilts me back again. “What do you mean? Did your father change his mind? Did Lennox? You don’t have to marry him?”
My lips thin, and my heart beats rapidly for Kit. I wish I could take away all the pain he’s going to have to endure watching me with another man. I still have hope I’ll find a way out of having to marry Lennox, but I can’t give Kit that hope.
He needs to prepare his heart and decide if he still wants to be with me, even if it’s a half-life of a relationship. All I can offer him is sneaking around under the moonlight and fleeting moments together like this.
“No, I still have to marry Lennox on Saturday.”
“Oh,” he deflates.
I rub my thumb across his lips. “I hate even asking this of you because you deserve so much better, but I’m selfish.”
He takes my hands in his and kisses them, his eyes full of love and want for me.
“I love you, bug. I would do anything for you.”
“I love you, too.” I take a deep breath. “He’ll let me keep you.”
“Lennox will let you keep me?” He says the words carefully, unsure of whether or not he heard me correctly.
I nod. “My marriage with Lennox would be a contract, a business arrangement. It wouldn’t be a real marriage. I wouldn’t have to fuck him. And he agreed that I could keep seeing you discreetly on the side.”
“He agreed to let me be with the woman I love—how chivalrous of him,” Kit says furiously. “He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care about you. All he wants is to be the next don. And I don’t believe he won’t want to have sex with you. He’s a dangerous man who wants power above all else. When it comes down to it, he’ll expect you to fuck him. And if you refuse, he’ll take what he wants from you.”
I look down, feeling as furious as he is but not sure how to fix this. I agree with a lot of what Kit’s saying, but I don’t think Lennox will hurt me. I believed Lennox when he spoke, but there is no use telling Kit that. Only time will tell who’s right and who’s wrong.
Kit tilts my chin up, looking at me with watery eyes. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to marry him. We can find another way.”
He keeps the tears within his eyes, but I don’t.
My cheeks are flooded as I shake my head. “There isn’t another way. This is the only way I get to keep you. It’s not fair, and you deserve better—”
“No.”
My heart stops.Is he letting me go?I don’t know how I’ll stand to stay married to Lennox if I don’t have Kit, my best friend for all these years. It used to be River, but after spending so much of our lives apart, Kit is the only true friend I have left. It’s why I was hesitant to ever become more than just friends with him—I’ve always been terrified of losing him.
“No, it isn’t fair. But not having you in my life isn’t an option. If this is truly the only way I get to keep you, then I’ll take every moment I can get with you. And I won’t have any regrets. I get to experience true love, and that’s worth any cost, even if it means never getting to be your husband.”
I kiss him.
It’s not enough to show how much I love him. It’s not enough at all.
Our lips devour each other in the front seat of his car. His hands grip my waist as mine grab his neck, and we both push our tongues deeper. He tastes like hope, freedom, and love. I don’t think I even realized how much I love him until this moment, until he said how much he’d give up for me.
Now I know for sure that what I feel for him is love.