I took a breath, thinking maybe that would work.
“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly. “I know you didn’t understand when I wanted to talk to Noah about my dad. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
Those pesky tears spilled over, the force of them too much for me to blink back. “You don’t need to apologize, sweetie. I want you to feel like you can talk to Noah, or Melanie, or any adult you trust. I know I have baggage around your dad, and sometimes it gets in the way.”
My little girl, who was getting all grown up faster than I wanted, nodded sagely.
More tears splashed onto my cheeks. Not for this moment, but for the twists and turns on the road that brought me here. That was the sharp twist of love. I was so proud to have a daughter who could care and understand this much. It meant she was growing up, and I would have to let go of my little girl a piece at a time.
After we hugged, she took her sandwich out of the paper bag, filled a glass of water, and pointed at my phone. “Call Noah. I’ll be in my room, and I promise I won’t listen.”
* * *
I didn’t wait. The second I heard her door close, I lifted my phone and pulled up Noah’s phone number. He answered on the second ring. As soon as I heard his voice, I couldn’t think of what to say. My feelings were spinning inside each other and bouncing around in my brain. My breath was locked in my lungs, and I was silent.
“Sasha?” Noah prompted into the quiet line.
The sound of his voice seemed to set me free. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I was relieved he couldn’t see what a mess I was. “It’s me,” I finally said between sniffles.
“Are you okay?” His tone was even, but I could sense a touch of alarm.
I sniffled again, finally grabbing a napkin on the table and wiping it across my eyes. “I’m fine. Thank you for the dinner.”
“You’re welcome.”
We fell quiet again, and I tried to think of what to say. My mouth was ahead of my brain. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I kind of panicked. Everything around Quinn is sort of a button for me.”
“I understand. I didn’t think through what it might feel like for you.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” I insisted.
“No, I should. Things felt good with us, but I didn’t think about how this was different. You’ve been raising Quinn all by yourself since she was a baby. I overstepped.”
“I appreciate that, but I also overreacted. Can we call it a draw, and you come over tonight?”
“Absolutely. When should I be there?”
“Now would be good,” I replied, feeling bashful.
“Be there in ten.”
“Wait!”
“What is it?”
“You only sent two sandwiches. I don’t want you to be hungry.”
“I’ll pick one up on the way over. Wait for me before you eat.”
As soon as I hung up, I heard the sound of Quinn’s bedroom door opening and rolled my eyes. Of course she’d been listening. Maybe I should’ve been embarrassed, but I was too filled with a rushing sense of joy mingled with peace to worry over it.
“You told him to come over, right?” Quinn asked when she appeared at the end of the hallway.
I swiped my tears away and nodded. “Do you want to eat with us?”