We said our goodbyes, and I faced myself down in the mirror a final time. I wore my standard work attire: Prada dress shoes, Gucci dress pants, button down shirt that had been tailored to perfection. I ran a hand through my longish hair, enjoying the way it settled, mussed but exact.
My exterior needed to gleam, because my interior was a lot like this bedroom. Fucked up. A mess disguised as put-together. Hiding too many secrets.
If I truly let Jessa in as a friend, she’d unearth all of them and more.
That didn’t sound like a wise idea to me. But I’d figure out how to both honor Jeremy’s request and keep Jessa at arm’s length later. It was too much for this early hour.
“I guess it’s time,” I said to my reflection. The best approximation of a pep talk I had these days. I left the bedroom behind, closing and locking the door on my secret mess, the four computers, the ten back-up drives, the empty bottles and glasses littering my shelves like a ransacked bar. My eyes hurt when I blinked. Every cell of my body craved a type of rest I didn’t know how to obtain. I needed something I couldn’t even name.
And all I knew how to do was keep moving forward. Keep the train moving along, in the safest way possible. No disruptions. No disturbances. Nothing new. Because everything else in my life depended on it.
I wove my way through the empty penthouse. I hadn’t seen Trace since the meeting in my office after Ian dropped the scam bomb on Monday. Axel had left super early with Cora, as usual. Down at Fairchild Enterprises, everything was bustling and bright. A little too bright for my taste, to be honest. I nodded and forced smiles where appropriate. Of course everyone had to be chipper and alert at this time of the day. I braced myself to see Jessa as I wound through the suite. I hadn’t exactly been nice to her in the gym yesterday. Who knew what she’d told Jeremy?
I rounded the corner, the dark sweep of her hair the first thing that caught my eye. Her back faced me, and her juicy ass was thesecondthing I noticed. She wore a waist-cinched dress that showcased every delectable curve of her body. I knew without knowing just how heavenly she’d be undressed—thick thighs that begged for me to get between them, breasts she could barely contain in her dresses and blouses. Fuck, I was half-hard already. This was not a good start.
“Jessa.”
At the sound of my voice she turned, looking startled. Pearl earrings stood out against her dark hair, and her winged eyeliner had been drawn to perfection. My heart thudded a little harder in my chest.
“Oh, Damian. Good morning. You scared me.”
I checked my watch. “Yeah. I’m a little late today.”
“It’s okay. No judgment.” She brushed a stray hair away from her face, nibbling on her bottom lip. She didn’t meet my gaze again, and instead rummaged through papers on her desk. Things had been weird since what happened in the weight room Monday night. Strained, even. I saw her open sketchbook near the edge, showcasing the bare bones design for a flowy dress. It was the first time I’d seen her notebook since meeting up with Cora in the penthouse. Personally, I was curious to see what was in there too, but I’d never allow myself to ask.
Jeremy’s words came back to me:She needs a friend.He thought I would be that friend for her. I couldn’t go all the way to true friend status, but I could throw her a bone. I could loosen up. Maybe.
“Everything okay?” she asked after I’d been standing there a moment.
“Yeah. I was just realizing you’ve never worn the same dress twice.” That was the most diluted, PG version of the truth knocking around inside me, which was that I would fuck her for a week straight if I could convince myself it wouldn’t ruin me.
Her brows lifted. “Wow. Is that a compliment?”
“Just an observation. Though your dresses are wonderful.” Even more wonderful would be taking them off her body.
She touched her chest with her free hand. “Well goodness gracious. Thank you, Damian. That might be the nicest thing you’ve said to me since I started working here.”
Okay, so maybe I had inadvertently been a bigger dick to her than I’d planned on. I could make it up to her a little without letting her in all the way.
“I’m honestly surprised you noticed,” she went on.
“Of course I notice.” How could Inotnotice someone like Jessa? I’d practically fallen in love with her on sight during my sophomore year, which had been awkward because she’d been in eighth grade. But there was something about her face, or her essence, or—I don’t know, her fucking soul?—that spoke to me. Always had. Still did. And maybe it always would. “I just don’t say everything that occurs to me,” I added after a moment. “The world needs less talking. Fewer opinions.”
She smirked, her gaze washing over me appreciatively. “Well, I wouldn’t mind if you sharedyouropinions a bit more often. They’re worth hearing.”
“I don’t know about that. I’ve got a few unsavory ones.”
“You’ve always been the smartest one in the room, wherever you go. How could I not want to hear your opinion?”
This prompted a smile—a genuine one, at that. “Aw, Jessa. Are you trying to warm my parched and blackened heart?”
She wagged her finger at me. “Don’t give me any of that tortured villain stuff. There’s nothing parched or blackened about you, Damian. You’re as soft as the day is long.”
That one made me laugh. “Soft as the day is long, huh? I’m not sure if I should be ashamed or proud of that.”
“Be proud of it. Even if you are a bit brooding. But the smartest ones are always the broodiest.”
This felt a lot like a roast, in the best way possible. My tongue found the inside of my cheek, and I crossed my arms, tilting my head at her.