“Why you gonna pack?” Jeremy called out.
“I’m not staying with Mom here,” I called over my shoulder. “I’ll get a hotel room.”
“Jessa, that’s gonna be too expensive.”
I entered the bedroom and put the few things I’d taken out of my suitcase back in. “I don’t care,” I shouted.
“What’s all this racket?” Tara’s voice suddenly entered the mix. The front door slammed shut a moment later, and I heard her issue stern instructions to her kids to sit on the couch and stay quiet. I wasn’t as close to Tara’s kids, but they were all teens who preferred to be engrossed in their video games anyway.
“Jessa thinks she’s getting a hotel room.” Jeremy called out from the kitchen.
“Miss Moneybags would,” Tara said, loud enough for me to hear. “Spends all that money on herself and can’t even toss a dime to her mom.”
I huffed and ignored them, but the frustration inside me had kicked up to a boil. I packed blindly, just trying to get it done as quickly as I could.
Seeing family was always like this. We knew how to push each other’s buttons. If anyone thought they were healed or mature, a quick visit to home would rid them of that idea. That’s what I’d learned in this short time, at least.
I thought I’d come to get a gulp of air in the wake of what had happened on Wall Street. To throw my siblings a bone and show the support to my mom they demanded.
But I saw now that coming back had merely shoved me into the past. Made me feel small, worthless, and useless. I couldn’t do anything right here. Couldn’t say the right things. Even being propositioned by a grown man twice my age couldn’t win me an ounce of support. Sometimes it felt like my sin was simply that I had the audacity tobreathe.
I rolled my suitcase into the living room, setting it near the door.
I’d come for a breath of fresh air, but I’d wandered into a sulfurous cave.
“Leaving so soon?” Tara asked.
“Hi, Klay. Hi, Penny. Long time no see.” I greeted my niece and nephew first, offering a bright smile. They barely looked up at me from their handheld video games, mumbling a greeting.
“They’d see a lot more of you if you were around,” Tara said, slipping her coat off and hanging it on the rack near the door. “Where’s Mom?”
“She went out to get some beer,” I said.
“And you let her?”
I let out an exasperated breath. “Jeremy let her. He said she’d score when she wanted, with or without us.”
Tara had changed her shirt, but the smell of fried chicken clung to her ever so slightly as she breezed past me, headed for the kitchen. “You need help in there or what, Jer?”
“I got it,” Jeremy said.
I crossed my arms, surveying the living room. Tears already threatened to spill, and we’d barely started this get-together. I wasn't gonna last. I could feel it to my bones. I couldn’t remember why I’d come, and all I wanted to do was find some space.
“Klay, Penny, you wanna go play with Izzy and Hannah in their room?”
Tara’s kids shook their heads silently.
“How’s school been going?”
Two shrugs. Typical teens. I wandered into the kitchen, intent on turning this reunion around. Jeremy had laid all the ribs out on a sheet pan, and Tara was mixing coleslaw in a bowl.
“Can I help?” I asked.
Tara looked over at me, distaste written across her features. “Do you even remember how to cook?”
“I don’t know why you think I’d forget,” I said, leaning against the countertop, bracing for her vitriol. Tara’s favorite pastime was shitting on me, talking down to me, making me the reason everything was wrong.
But the frustration inside of me was too hot, too roiling.