“Hold up,” I said, displeased to find some familiar words on the screen. “Kendra works forBig Apple Mag.”
“Fuck.” Axel slammed his fist against the countertop.
I dragged my hands down my face. Everything inside of me wanted to avoid this conclusion. But it was a brightly lit pathway. The only logical choice. When all the facts lined up…how could I avoid the data?
“Jesus Christ.”
Axel heaved a sigh, shaking his head. “I know, man.”
“I don’t want to believe it. It can’t be her.”
“Tell me honestly then. What would you do if Jessawasn’tJessa?” Axel asked. He put his hand on my shoulder, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Seriously. Be real with me. If this was some girl off the street that you’d hired, what would you do?”
The truth of matter crashed over me in unpleasant, sickly waves. My mouth went dry. “I’d fire her.”
Axel nodded, eyes fastened to the list. “Right.”
Silence stretched between us as we confronted this reality.
“It’s a security breach,” Axel said gravely, and when his gaze met mine, I saw the meaning written there.If it was anybody else, it was grounds for termination.
I spent a few moments mulling over this turn of events, trying to find different angles. Some way to absolve Jessa. Any opportunity for salvation here.
But I came up with nothing.
I had to fire her. Between her and her roommate, this was too great a risk to bear.
“I don’t know if I can do it,” I said, massaging my face. “This is gonna suck.”
“I know, man.” He sniffed.
“We gotta call Jeremy too,” I said. “What the fuck are we gonna say to him?”
“I don’t know, dude.”
“And Trace,” I added. “He’s gotta know.”
Axel’s face darkened. “You can handle that one. Honestly, I’m leaving this up to you. I’ll follow your lead.”
We spent some more time sitting with our thoughts, wrestling with the hows and the whens of it all. Axel finally went back to the office, and I stayed in the kitchen, drowning in my thoughts.
No matter how many times I went over it all, something didn’t feel quite right. But I couldn’t identify what was off.
It had to be my personal feelings for Jessa, the way she’d infiltrated my life and my heart, despite my best attempts to prevent it. The softness and grace she brought, the sweet healing of her smile. My chest tightened, and another wave of despair crashed through me. That’s all this was—an emotional response when there should have been none. Logically, I had to go through with it, because the data paved the way.
I had to fire her.
And firing her would solve another problem that clawed at me. It would rid me of the constant temptation to dive deeper, to get closer, to lose myself with Jessa.
The deepest parts of me wanted to avoid this outcome for so many tender, loving reasons.
But I was nothing if not data driven. And the safest path forward involved ridding myself of the largest threat to my stability.
Staying isolated had always been my plan. It was what made sense. It offered protection. It offered a shot at normalcy. Inviting in love opened the doorway to heartbreak. It was already too late— heartbreak was here knocking. Time to throw the bolt.
I needed to get back to basics.
Single. Unattached. Impervious.