An annoyed burst of air escaped me. All I could see was potential security issues. With this dark cloud swirling above me, everything looked like a threat.
“I’m sorry, Damian,” Jessa said as she wrung her hands in her lap. “I haven’t shared anything with her that’s personal or confidential, I swear. And about the call logs, I would have done it sooner but I…I just forgot.”
I shook my head. “How could you forget?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was distracted when you mentioned it. You keep sending me these high priority tasks, there’s just been a lot going on.”
I rolled my neck in a slow circle, the annoyance festering into something else altogether. “Probably just sketching dresses like always, huh?”
A strange silence settled over the car. When I glanced over at Jessa, she watched me with a lethal look.
"What are you trying to say, Damian?”
“Nothing.”
“Doesn’t feel like nothing.”
“I want to focus on what’s important,” I said, squeezing the steering wheel for an entirely new reason now. “That’s always been the goal.”
“And you think I don’t focus on what’s important?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Sure sounded like it.”
“I think you focus on plenty. And maybe that’s part of the problem. If you forget something urgent because your focus is too divided, that sounds like a sign.”
She sputtered. “How could you say my focus is too divided? It’s only on you. All I do is think about you, your business, your happiness, your…everything. I’m in school for god’s sake, and I neglect that so that I can focus onyou.”
“Actions speak louder than words, Jessa.” It felt like such a cliché, but it was the fucking truth. “I asked you to do something important, something related to the shitstorm of my reality right now, and you didn’t. That’s on you.”
She stared out the window, her mouth a thin line. “Yeah. Guess all those other things I didn’t forget about just don’t matter anymore.”
“You knew this was a high-pressure job coming in, regardless of your school situation. We’re dealing with something huge. I need those fucking call logs to figure out where the crack in my business is.”
“You think I don’t know that?” She looked over at me so sharply I could practically feel the implied slap on my cheek. “I spend every day, morning to evening, assisting you. Planning for you. Looking out for you. Feeding you. I’ve forgotten one task and you treat me like this?”
“I’m having a fucking conversation,” I told her, grateful to see the city skyline in the distance. We were close, which meant an end to this discussion. “This is important shit that needs to be talked about. This is literally all that matters in my life—don’t you get that?”
“Yeah. I get that,” Jessa said, sarcasm wrenching her tone. “All you live for is work.”
I shook my head, squeezing the steering wheel again. “What else should I live for? It keeps my life afloat. It pays my bills, donates millions to charity, plus supports over one hundred other people. Including you. Tell me again why I shouldn’t live for this?”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, Damian,” she hissed. “Obviously you’re doing good in the world. Your work is valuable. That’s not the point.”
“Then whatisthe point?”
“You don’texistbeyond work!” The words came out on a shout, and we sat in the strange, echoing aftermath of her words for a moment before she continued. “You don’t even remember to eat most days because of how much you work. What happened to balance? I had to drag you out of the office to take this break. Do you ever go on vacation?”
“Honestly, Jessa, you don’t have to fucking worry about my vacation schedule. I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore. You forgot to look at the call logs and somehow I’m the bad guy for not going on vacation?”
She huffed, crossing her arms. “That’s not what I’m saying either. What I’m getting at is—there should be some balance. The type of balance where you remember to eat and actually enjoy life. Going after what lights you up has to be part of the equation, right? That’s why I scheduled this getaway for us. Foryou.”
I clenched and unclenched my teeth as I stared out at the road. “Every day of my life is spent doing things that don’t light me up. Because I have to do them to keep everything afloat. Too many people count on me to let it go. And I need to succeed for the ones who aren’t here. How is this even a question?”
She pressed her hands to the sides of her cheeks, staring out the windshield like the answer might be written somewhere. “It’s not a question. It’s just…an idea. Work is crucial, Damian, nobody is arguing that. But none of it matters if you don’t enjoy life.” She swung her head to look at me then, sincerity slashed across her face. “Kaylee and Jordan wouldn’t want you to work yourself to death just because they aren’t here. I’m positive of that.”
I shook my head, emotion welling in my chest. But I was too good at tamping it down. I drew a slow, cleansing breath and stuffed it down into the recesses of myself, where I could deal with it later. After hours. When I had a whiskey in my hand and a bedroom to myself.