After having had him beside her, the cold air, along with a gust of reality, sent a shock through her own sensibilities.
She slid beneath the sheets and curled up. If anyone ever discovered what she’d already done, she’d be ruined in an instant.
Ruined. Not that it would affect Delia’s marriage prospects, which were non-existent, but it would mean she’d be unemployable. She’d be dismissed from her job before she could even begin.
But there was no way anyone could know.
Jack had promised to tell no one, but even so, she knew he wasn’t the sort to boast about his conquests.
She’d been easy enough to conquer.
And despite this being the most interesting thing she’d ever done, Delia certainly wasn’t about to share the details of what happened in this room—not even with her friend Bethany, to whom she’d promised to write diligently.
Furthermore, the only eligible bachelors who would ever come along to propose marriage to Delia were the ones in her imagination.Thoseheroes wouldn’t be shocked or insulted that she’d lain with another man before meeting them.
It washerfantasy, after all.
She wouldn’t beg. Earlier, Jack had stopped when she’d asked him. It would be hypocritical and unfair of her not to show the same courtesy.
Such relations between a man and a woman went two ways.
Delia watched as he stirred the fire in the hearth. With only the orange glow for illumination, shadows accentuated the contours of Jack’s sinewy shoulders and chest. And yet even without her spectacles, she could appreciate the consistent pattern of muscles on his abdomen that disappeared into his breeches.
She wasn’t intimidated by him, which was odd. He was sturdy, imposing, and distinguished—precisely the sort of man who typically made her tongue-tied and awkward.
Having extinguished the candles, Jack climbed into the bed and under the coverlet, this time keeping to the opposite side.
“There must be some silver lining,” she said.
He turned his head, his expression questioning.
“In spending the holidays with all of your family.”
He chuckled but then stared up at the ceiling and raised one arm to rest on his forehead. “I’m not the sort of person to look for silver linings, Delia. That sort of thing is fine for a lady, but I have responsibilities and silver linings don’t pay the bills.”
Delia turned on her back, contemplating his words. “I think you are wrong. Silver linings are the scraps a person clings to so that they can move forward. It gives them something when all hope is seemingly lost.” The thought bolstered her and made her feel like crying at the same time. “If I didn’t have my silver linings… I don’t think I’d have anything.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“But you have nothing to be sorry for.” She rolled onto her side again to find that he was facing her as well.
“I’m sorry that you live in silver linings.”
She laughed a little at that. “It isn’t all that bad. Really. I’m just feeling a little homesick.”
Jack shifted closer. “It’ll pass.”
“I know.”
“You’re shivering.” He shifted and pulled her into him. “Come here.”
Delia wasn’t cold. Was she homesick? Or just now realizing how lonely she’d been these past years? She hadn’t been alone, but she’d spent most of her time with people who seemed to look right through her.
“I’m eager to meet my new employers, take on my new role. Once I’ve settled in, I’ll be fine.” Perhaps she’d feel needed, even if only to fetch an older woman’s shawl or book or spectacles. But she would be providing companionship, possibly even friendship. Doing that would matter.
She would matter.
“You’ll be fine.” His voice sounded from above her head.