I bite my lip, thumbs poised over the keys, hesitant about my next words.
Screw it.
Me:Can we do it again?
Josiah:I want to, but we need to talk.
Me:Okay.
Josiah:Oh, and by the way…I got your panties.?
Chapter Thirty-Five
Josiah
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice,” I tell Dr. Musa. “And so early.”
“You said it was urgent.” He eyes me walking back and forth in front of his desk. “You should sit.”
I force myself to take the seat across from him, even though my body hums with pent-up energy. I should not be energetic since I barely slept last night. What the hell was I thinking? Fucking Yasmen in the garage like some horny teenager? With Deja’s friends upstairs? Fucking Yasmenperiod. Who better to tell me I’ve lost my mind than my shrink?
“I slept with my ex.” The bald words barrel out of me. “Twice.”
“Okay.” Dr. Musa adjusts his glasses, his professional demeanor unshaken. “Before we go there, let’s—”
“Naaaaaaaaw, Doc. We need to go straight there. I don’t need no deep breaths. No affirmations. And I for damn sure don’t need that feelings wheel. I know exactly how I feel.”
“Then tell me how you feel.”
“Like an idiot.”
“That’s not a feeling.”
“Dammit. Gimme the wheel.”
Lips pressed and holding back a smile, he hands me the sheet of paper with the bright colors and emotions listed on it. I look at them, struggling to find myself in the sea of words swimming on the page in front of me.
“Uh, I guess I feel confused.” I study the circle further. “Anxious. Sensuous. Definitely sensuous, that shit was…”
I clear my throat and frown at the words leaping out at me.
Excited.
Hopeful.
Scared.
I can’t bring myself to say those out loud, not even to Dr. Musa, but by the way he watches me, he probably already knows.
“Why did this constitute an emergency?” he asks.
“We’re divorced. That’s not what you do. When you divorce, you stop that. It shouldn’t have happened, but…”
I swallow, draw a deep breath as my heart races with the memory of our frantic lovemaking. No one has ever felt like that before or since, and I suspect no one ever will. Not just how it felt being inside of her, but how itfelt. How it felt like coming home and running wild at the same damn time.
“Are you sure it shouldn’t have happened?” Dr. Musa asks softly. “Or are you just afraid of what it means if it happens again? If itkeepshappening?”
“Yeah, that,” I mumble. “That might be it.”