“I don’t know. I hate to think it might’ve been the engagement triggering something…”
“That was bound to happen for both of us, don’t you think? Deciding to remarry is a big deal when you’ve been through what we have.”
“True.” Despite my best efforts to hold them back, tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks. “I just really miss him.” I can’t believe I’ve already lived more than a year without him.
“I know, and that’s totally normal.”
“How do we know what’s totally normal?”
“When you’re grieving the loss of the person you loved the most, anything and everything is normal. No one else gets to decide that for you.”
“Even your new fiancé?”
“Especially him.”
I wipe away tears that continue to flow. “Thank you for understanding.”
“I’ll always understand this particular pain, Roni. Please don’t feel like you have to hide it from me. I’d never want that.”
I take a deep breath and try to get my emotions under control. I’ve been a red-hot mess all day. “I never used to be such a waterworks.”
“You have very good reason to be now. Don’t apologize for that.”
“Will you always be the perfect man for me?”
“I’m going to do my darndest to be everything you want and need, love.”
That only makes me cry harder.
Derek holds me through the storm, comforting me with sweet words of love and understanding that soothe my soul. I’ll mourn the loss of Patrick and the life we had planned forever, but it helps to be able to share that grief with someone who gets it.
“Sometimes I can’t believe the way life marches on like the worst possible thing never happened.”
“It’s astounding, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Like how dare that happen when I have to live the rest of my life without him?”
“Exactly.”
“But then I think about all the amazing gifts that have come from the worst possible loss. Like my new job with Sam, who I never would’ve met if Patrick hadn’t died. Like my new Wild Widows friends, who are some of my favorite people in the world. Like you and Maeve, who I love so, so much. That so much good could’ve come from such an unspeakable tragedy is also hard to fathom.”
“I agree. Maeve and I have been blessed with such incredible support since Vic died. It’s been life-affirming. And now there’s you and Dylan and our new life together. I feel guilty sometimes for being so happy when Vic is gone forever.”
“Grief is the weirdest thing ever.”
“Yep.”
“But the good news—if there is good news—is that somehow, in the mess known as life, we found each other. Or I should say, you found me, stalked me, freaked me out and then made me fall in love with you and your son.”
His recitation of how we met makes me laugh, the way it always does. “I want that in our wedding vows—to love, honor and stalk all the days of our lives.”
His low chuckle rumbles through his chest. “For sure.”
“I feel so bad for Iris, too. That’s another reason I’ve been a mess all day. I can’t imagine what she’s dealing with, finding out that Mike had a child with someone else.”
“I can’t stop thinking about that. It was a little triggering for me after what I learned about Vic after she was gone.”
“Oh, jeez, I didn’t even consider that.”