And I might have if Tyler hadn’t come to the door a third time to see if I’m coming to work on the model.
I cannot disappoint him.
I won’t disappoint him, even if spending more time with Iris and her kids risks things I promised myself would never again be in play.
“Here I come, buddy,” I say as I get out of the car.
His little face lights up with such unfettered joy that I feel my heart contract despite my best effort to remain aloof to feelings that could wreck me.
He takes me by the hand and half leads, half drags me into the kitchen, where he’s already got the box opened and pieces scattered all over the place. Looks like I got here just in time to prevent a modernTitanicdisaster.
IRIS
Our eveningwith the kids is lovely. After we devour my mother’s delicious lasagna, Gage and Tyler work for hours on the model, until I insist that Tyler shower and get ready for bed. For a second, I worry my son will have a meltdown, but thankfully, that doesn’t materialize. Due to the hard work of the therapist the kids see monthly, Tyler has been doing better about controlling his propensity for tantrums, which became a problem after his father died.
“Can we finish it tomorrow, Mr. Gage?”
“Sure thing.”
“Don’t do anything without me.”
“I never would. I need your help.”
Tyler spontaneously hugs him, taking Gage—and me—by surprise. “Thank you so much for helping me. You were right. It would’ve taken me and Mom four days to do it.”
Then he’s gone in a flash, rushing by me toward the stairs.
“Use soapandshampoo,” I yell after him.
“Yeah, yeah,” he replies.
“You really gotta tell him that?” Gage asks as he stretches out kinks in his neck from the tedious work of model building.
“I do after I discovered he wasn’t using either.”
“How did you find out?”
“His hair felt like straw, and he smelled bad. I sat him down, looked him in the eyes and made him confess to showering with no soap because he wanted to get it over with faster. We had to talk about how important it is to keep our bodies clean.”
“That’s hilarious.”
“It was funny, and it made me sad, because that’s something Mike should’ve been teaching him when they showered together. Once when Tyler was little, like maybe three, he and Mike were in the shower together. When they came out, Tyler told me in all seriousness, ‘Daddy has ahugepenis.’”
Gage sputters with laughter. “I bet Mike loved that.”
“He mentioned it daily for the rest of his life.”
“Of course he did. That’s hilarious.”
“That’s the stuff I want to remember about him, you know?”
“Yeah, and that’s why you need to stay off his phone. You can’t let the other stuff ruin your good memories of him. What you already know is enough.”
“I’m trying to tell myself that, but the temptation to dig for more is pretty strong.” Steve said he’d send more info to my email, but I probably ought to avoid that, too.
“What can we do to keep you from giving in to that temptation?”
“Stick around until after the kids are in bed to entertain me?” I ask with a suggestive smile.