“Nothing.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“You’re forty-one. You can’t honestly expect to spend the rest of your life alone.”
“That’s the plan.”
“It’s a terrible plan! I’ve told you that so many times.”
“I know, but that’s how it has to be.”
“No, that isnothow it has to be. What happened to Nat and the girls was horrible and tragic and never should’ve happened. But to refuse to ever care that much about anyone again out of fear of losing them is no way to live.”
“It works for me.”
“Does it, though?”
It strikes me as funny that Iris asked that exact question earlier.
Tyler comes to the door to the garage to make sure I’m still there. I wave to him and stick up a finger to tell him I’ll be there in a minute. I haven’t built a model in years, and I’m looking forward to helping him.
“Gage? Does it really work for you?”
“Most of the time.”
“I don’t know why you insist on limiting yourself this way. It won’t bring Nat or the girls back.”
“I know that,” I snap more harshly than I intended. “I know.” I gentle my tone because Heather has been a rock for me through this nightmare and doesn’t deserve me snapping at her.
“What’s the point, then? Who benefits if you sacrifice yourself this way?”
“It’s not a sacrifice. It’s a choice.”
“It’s a bad choice, especially when you have someone right there in front of you who could be so much more than a friend if you’d let her.”
“How do you even know that?”
“She has you riding to her kids’ school in her minivan. If she didn’t have feelings for you, you’d never get anywhere near her kids.”
“I’m her friend. We’re close because of the widow group.”
“That’s not all it is, and you can’t convince me otherwise.”
“I don’t want it to be more than that.”
“Okay.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just what I said. If you insist that you don’t want anything more with her, then I can’t change your mind. But let me ask you this—if, God forbid, something happened to Iris and her kids tomorrow, would you grieve them?”
“God, yes. Don’t even say that.”
“Then I hate to tell you, little brother, but you’re already in trouble where they’re concerned. Allowing it to be even more won’t make it any worse than it would’ve been otherwise if something were to happen, which it won’t.”
Her observation makes me feel panicky. “You can’t know that.”