“Not a thing. I’m sure you have to work early tomorrow, so you should get home and get some rest.”
“I cleared my schedule for the next two days.”
I’m shocked. “Why’d you do that?”
“Because I don’t want you to be alone with this. You shouldn’t be alone with it.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“You don’t feel… like… responsible for me because of what happened last weekend, do you?”
He recoils from the question. “Fuck no, I don’t feel responsible for you. I care about you, and I hate that this shit is happening to someone who doesn’t deserve any of it. I can’t go home and leave you here alone with it.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“You didn’t, but I don’t feel responsible for you. I’m here because I want to be. It’s that simple.”
I go to him, put my arms around his waist and rest my head on his strong, solid chest. “And that complicated.”
“It doesn’t have to be complicated.”
Men are so naïve. Any time sex is involved, it’s complicated. But I’ll let him have his illusions. “You can go, Gage. I’ll be all right.”
His arms encircle me, and I experience a strange feeling of homecoming, which I immediately suppress. He’s not my home. I’m more determined than ever after today to be my own home. Look at where putting my faith in a man has gotten me.
I start to back away from him.
He holds on tighter. “Don’t push me away, Iris. I want to help.”
“You have helped. You’ve been right here all day, but you can’t fix what’s wrong here. Only I can do that.”
“You don’t have to do it alone.”
“I know, and I won’t do it alone, but I’ve got nothing to give anyone, even you, right now.”
“I’m not asking for anything other than permission to keep you company.” He looks down at me, his gaze full of concern and affection. “Can I stay with you tonight?”
I hate that I don’t want him to go, that I want him here to keep telling me everything will be okay. But I also appreciate that he wants to be there for me. “Sure.”
After checking to make sure the outside lights are off and the doors are locked, I lead him upstairs. “Don’t look at the mess in the kids’ rooms.”
“I’m not looking, and I had kids, remember? I know how messy they are.”
“The shock of losing Mike was compounded by the things I learned today, but it has nothing on you losing your wifeandkids. I feel silly for even being upset about it.”
“Don’t do that. What happened today was brutal, and you have every right to be upset about it.”
“I don’t think I would’ve survived losing my kids, too.”
“Yes, you would have, because you have no choice but to carry on, no matter how big the losses are.”
“I hope you know how much I admire the way you’ve carried on and how you help others by sharing your journey.”
“It helps me to do that, or I wouldn’t do it.”
“Don’t discount how much your words mean to so many others.”