Everyone else’s stuff is easy. Haha, but thanks for the vote of confidence. Go get some sleep. Thanks for being there.
Always. TTYT
I send her a heart and kissy face emojis. I adore her. Since she came into my life last Christmas, she’s become one of my closest friends. Watching her and Derek evolve from close friendship to a second chance at love for them both has been so rewarding and life-affirming. They’ve inspired the rest of us more than they know.
Our Wild Widows group has one rule—prospective members must be open to the possibility of a second chance at love. We don’t require people to actively date or anything like that. When Christy, Taylor and I founded the group, we came up with that rule to inspire hope for a future that won’t always be as difficult as the present is for so many of us. It’s more about the Mary Oliver quote that inspired our name: “Tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.” There’s no judgment or expectations or anything like that. It’s more of a philosophy than a requirement.
A few months after Mike died, my sisters and cousins took me to Portugal for five days, hoping a change of scenery would help. I enjoyed the getaway. And as I sat in the caves and contemplated my life without Mike and what it might look like, I tried to envision a future that wouldn’t be shrouded by loss and grief. It was on that trip that I opened my heart to the possibility of someday falling in love again in the far-off future when I was ready for such a thing.
I’ve been ready for a while now, but I hadn’t done anything about that until I slid naked into bed with Gage. While many of my widow friends swear by the online dating apps, I haven’t activated accounts on any of them. I’m not sure why, because I’m not at all opposed to meeting someone that way. I’ve seen it work for lots of friends, before and since I became a widow.
Setting up my accounts was a New Year’s resolution, and here it is October, and I’ve done nothing about it. Instead, I do things like sneak naked into bed with a close friend and think that’s going to solve all my problems. Instead, it’s created new ones that I don’t need. I’ve got enough on my plate without messing up a friendship that’s important to me.
I shut off the light, determined to suck it up and get back to sleeping alone. I refuse to allow any kind of setback after having had a wonderful time with him. I loved having sex with him and wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime.
But if that never happens, I’ll be fine.
6
IRIS
My phone rings before my alarm goes off to get Tyler up for school. Who is calling me so freaking early? I grab the phone off my bedside table and answer the call without checking the caller ID.
“Iris? Hey, it’s Steve. Did I wake you?”
“Hey, Steve. No, I was up. This is a nice surprise.”
Mike’s partner in the charter flight business and his wife, Jenny, have been so good to me and the kids since Mike died. He’s even insisted on still paying part of Mike’s salary.
“Sorry to call out of the blue this way, but I just got home from a trip and found a letter from the NTSB about the crash.”
We’ve been waiting a long time for the results of the investigation.
“What’d it say?”
“Iris…”
“What is it, Steve? You’re scaring me.”
“They’re blaming the crash on pilot error.”
“What? That’s not possible. Mike was the best pilot in the world. You said that yourself.”
“He was, and I can’t imagine what they’ve found to lead to that conclusion. The letter said the report will be issued this week. As soon as I get a copy, I’ll let you know.”
“I don’t know what to do with this. What does it mean?”
“If they make a compelling case, some of the pending insurance payouts might not happen, and we could be looking at lawsuits from the other families.”
“Oh my God. Steve…”
“Try not to worry too much about the lawsuits. We’ve got all the best insurance that would cover any settlements.”
“But Mike… His reputation…” Being a pilot wasn’t just what he did. It was who he was. This is devastating.
“We knew the turbulence would be a factor,” Steve said. “I told you that from the start.”
“Yes, but what could he have done about that?”