He shrugs. “I guess.” He gets up and takes his plate to the sink before leaving the room.
I drop my head into my hands.
Gage massages my shoulder. “You did good, Mama.”
“Then why do I feel like my insides have been lacerated?”
“Because Tyler is old enough to understand the implications of this news, and it hurt him to find out his daddy wasn’t perfect.”
“I suppose that’s it.” I cover his hand on the table with mine. “Thank you for stepping in to help.”
“I wish there was more I could do.”
“Just having you here helps.”
“Nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Hours later,Gage, Eleanor and I supervise the kids in the backyard as they run around and play on the gigantic play set Mike and Rob built years ago. After some initial reluctance, Tyler has been trying to be friendly to his brother.
“This is such a wonderful yard,” Eleanor says. “It must be fun when the pool is open.”
“It is. The kids love to swim.”
“Carter does, too. It’s his favorite thing.”
She is tall, blonde and willowy—everything I’m not. She’s the kind of woman you’d love to hate if she wasn’t so damned nice. When they arrived, she greeted me with a warm hug and said it was so great to finally meet me in person. Right away, she felt like an old friend who’d come to visit after years apart.
After dinner, Gage lights the firepit, and even though it’s cold, we make s’mores for the kids before sending them inside to start taking showers.
“I’ll show you where things are,” Tyler says to Carter, who follows Tyler around with interest bordering on hero worship.
“I’ll supervise,” Gage says as he follows them in.
“Tyler and the girls have been great with Carter,” Eleanor says when we’re left alone by the fire. “I wasn’t sure what to expect, but today has been lovely. Thank you for having us.”
“Thanks for coming and for making what should be the most awkward thing in my life so easy.”
“It’s not our fault we’re in this boat. All we can do is make the best of it. At least that’s what my therapist tells me.”
“Same, girl,” I tell her as we share a laugh. “Life is such a fucked-up mess of awful, wonderful, tragic, joyful. I get whiplash sometimes from feeling all those things in the same five-minute period.”
“Right there with you, although I can’t begin to know what it was like to lose my husband and the father of my children and then find out the things you have about him. I hate that for you.”
“I hate it for me, too, and for my kids, who will one day wake up to the realization of what had to happen to bring Carter into their lives. Widowhood has taught me that all we can do is play the hand we were dealt, and that’s what I’m trying to do.”
“You’re doing it beautifully, and your Gage is such a lovely guy. I’m happy for you both.”
“Thanks. He’s the best, and we’re enjoying our chapter two.”
“Chapter two. I like that.”
“That’s widow-speak for a second chance at love.”
“It’s wonderful, and I couldn’t be happier for you.”
“What about you? Are you seeing anyone?”
“Not really. Trust has become a big issue for me, as you might imagine, and it seems that every guy I meet is hiding something or just generally full of shit. I’d rather be alone than put up with that crap.”