He nodded.
Ever since Scrappy’s death, I’d carried a fiery ball of rage, deep down in the pit of my stomach. In fact, the only times I didn’t feel its presence was when I was blind drunk, or when I was alone with Rowan. But now that I had my brother’s killer in my grasp, I was sure I’d be able to quell the fire burning inside me by bringing him to justice.
“I hope the very short time spent living as a King was worth the life you took. Worth losing your own life.”
I unsheathed my twelve-inch Bowie knife. Li’L Frisco’s whimpers turned to moans as he struggled to free himself from his restraints.
“Shhh,” I said, locking the motel room door. “I’ve been waiting for this moment since I heard my brother had been murdered. I swore to him that I would find you, bleed you dry, and dump your corpse on the street in front of the Kings’ clubhouse.”
I grabbed the back of the chair and began dragging it and its occupant into the bathroom.
“I’d hate to get blood all over these carpets,” I said before tipping the chair forward.
Li’L Frisco’s head was now hanging over the edge of the bathtub, ready for me to slice open his jugular vein like a slaughterhouse animal when my phone buzzed.
It was Rowan.
Shit.
I considered letting it go to voicemail but felt compelled to answer.
“Don’t make a single sound,” I warned Li’L Frisco, before exiting the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
“Is everything okay?” I answered, slightly out of breath.
“I need you to listen to me,” Rowan said. “Please don’t say anything until I’ve finished. I’ve been working up my nerve for the past two hours, and I only have enough strength to say this one time.”
I said nothing.
“When you asked me if I was ‘all in,’ I thought I knew what you meant. I thought you were talking about you and me, but now I understand that ‘all in’ means much more. So much so, that I’m not sure you fully understood the question you were asking.”
From the other side of the bathroom door, I could hear Li’L Frisco cough and choke behind his duct tape gag, so I moved farther away, not wanting Rowan to hear what I was in the middle of doing.
“I understand now that being with you, means being a part of your club,” she continued. “Being a part of the lives of the people who are the most important to you. It means allowing myself to be open and vulnerable to the people you trust, becauseItrustyou. It means having faith that you can handle whatever I’m going through no matter what.”
I remained silent.
“I understand all of that now, and I am more all in than ever before. I don’t just love you, Crew. I love the people who love you and want them in my life almost as much as I want you, but the problem isn’t me. I think it’s you that doesn’t know how to be ‘all in.’ You use your club life as an excuse to keep people at arm’s length. You’ve convinced yourself I couldn’t possibly understand your life while simultaneously keeping me at arm’s length.”
“I’m trying to protect you,” I bit out.
“Don’t speak, especially if you’re going to make excuses,” she snapped. “You’re not protecting me. You’re protecting yourself from losing me. All the while, you’re out there alone putting yourself in danger. I know you did what you did with Stanley to protect me, but I never asked you to do that. Had we been a real team, truly all in, you would have talked to me first and maybe I could have talked you out of it.”
She was right and the thought terrified me. Would I have wanted her to talk me down?
“I know you’re out looking for the man who killed Scrappy,” she continued. “And I know what you’ll do when you find him.”
I looked at the bathroom door.
“Please, Crew. I didn’t know your brother, but if he was anything like you, I know he wouldn’t want you to kill anyone in his name.”
“I miss him so much,” I said, my voice cracking. “And I’m so angry.”
“Go all in with me and I can help you heal. Your club can help you. Our baby can help you.”
“What?” I rasped.
“I’m pregnant with our baby. I’m going to be a mother, Crew. Now, you need to decide if you’re going to be a father or not. But I’m not doing this with you unless you’re all in. You have to choose what kind of man you want to be.”