The intruder wore a black hoodie and face mask and was outfitted with some sort of armor that covered his chest, back, and arms. He was also holding a tactical stun baton. The kind capable of delivering three-hundred-million volts through heavy clothing.
I was in my boxer briefs.
“Hey, Batman. If you’re smart, you’ll turn around and go back the way you came,” I said.
“Drop the knife and hit the floor, face down, with your palms to the sky,” he replied, pointing his baton at me, blue sparks arcing loudly at its tip.
“You talk like a cop,” I said, ignoring his order. “What are you, an ex-cop? A strip mall security guard? I don’t see a gun on that fancy belt of yours.”
“Keep fucking with me, man, and you’ll find out exactly what I got.”
“Wait a minute,” I continued. “Are you one of those guys who always wanted to be a cop but couldn’t pass the psych eval portion of the police academy entrance exam?”
As I spoke, I mentally measured the distance between us. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to build up enough momentum to take this motherfucker to the ground before he tagged me with his shock stick. I also had no idea if his body armor was used for paintball or was heavy enough to withstand a full thrust of Rowan’s fancy kitchen knife, so I was gonna aim for the neck.
“Shut the fuck up and get down on the floor,” he repeated. “I’m only here for the girl, but I’ll kill you too if I have to.”
“That’s it, isn’t it?” I continued to taunt. “You’ve gotta tell me. I’m dying to know. How many times did you take the exam? Four? Five times?”
“I swear to God, if you don’t drop the fucking hero routine right now, I’ll kill that bitch slowly and make you watch.”
“Wrong answer,” I said, lunging towards the intruder with all the force I could muster.
However, the bathroom tile was soaked from Rowan’s hasty exit of the tub, making it impossible for my bare feet to gain proper traction. My knife struck deep into the intruder’s chest, but his armor was thick, and the blade’s tip snapped clean off. He was able to deliver a direct blow with his baton to my mid-section, knocking the wind out of me and sending me to the floor gasping for breath.
I was flat on my back, barely able to move, and the knife lay on the floor next to the tub, just out of my reach.
“I told you to stay out of this, lover boy,” he said, before delivering another shock to my solar plexus, all but paralyzing me. He stood over me and shoved the baton under my chin. “Now I’m gonna make you go nighty-night for a little while, while I take care of your lady friend. Don’t worry, though, I’ll make sure you’re awake when I rape her. At least for the first few times.”
I gasped for breath and tried to brace myself for the brain scrambling I was about to receive, when suddenly Lord leapt through the doorway, knocking the intruder and his baton in opposite directions to the floor. Lord snarled like a mad dog as he viciously tore at the now screaming man’s face and hands. I grabbed the knife and plunged the tipless blade into the intruder’s unarmored inner thigh causing him to shriek further.
I scrambled back to my feet before ordering Lord to release the intruder. I then grabbed the man by his hair and dragged him over to the tub as blood poured from his thigh, mixing with the pools of water on the floor.
“Are you okay?” Rowan called out from the hall, sounding utterly terrified.
“I’m okay, baby, and Lord’s okay too,” I reassured her. “But don’t come in here until I say, okay?”
I didn’t wait for Rowan’s response before plunging the intruder’s head under the bathwater, holding him as he kicked and flailed.
“Oh, my god. Is this your blood?” Rowan gasped as she stood in the doorway.
“No, it’s his. I told you not to come in here,” I bellowed.
“What are you doing?”
“I was just… about to get to know… our unexpected guest, but felt like he needed…a bath first,” I replied as the intruder struggled.
“Please don’t kill him,” she begged.
“He came here to kill you, Rowan.”
“Scooby, I don’t want you to go to prison,” Rowan cried.
I pushed his head down deep into the water until I could feel his skull hit the bottom of the tub.
“Please?” she begged.
I pulled the intruder’s head out of the water and held the knife to his throat as he coughed and gulped for air.