She doesn’t smile at my quip like I expect her to. “Do you still love her?” She sounds almost afraid to hear my answer.
My forehead wrinkles. “What? No, of course not. Why would you even ask that?”
She looks at the table instead of at me. “I don’t know. It just happened so long ago, and you still seem really hung up on it… I thought maybe that’s because you still have feelings for her.”
I lean in over the table and take both Kenzie’s hands. “It’s not because I still have feelings for Audrey. If anything, I can see now that she did me a favor. She was right to turn me down. The two of us were too much alike. Sure, it made things easy, but that’s just it.” I stop for a moment, wanting to make sure I say this the way I mean it. “I think I fell in love with the fact that we were easy. I had lofty ambitions and goals and she was happy to let me pursue them. I think what she realized before me was that things were easy because neither of us had that ‘I have to have you or I’ll die’ feeling for the other. And I think that’s what you need to make it through the tough times. Otherwise, you’ll just dust your hands off and let the relationship go when things get tough.”
What I want to tell Kenzie but don’t, for fear that saying it so early into us seeing each other will freak her out, is it that she’s shown me that feeling. I can’t stop thinking of her all the time, wondering what she’s doing, whether she’s thinking of me. I never did that with Audrey. With her, I pushed all thoughts of her aside when I was working on my studies.
“Does that make sense?” I ask.
She nods and gives me a small smile. “Yeah, I understand what you mean.”
“MacKenzie.” I use her whole name so that she’ll really pay attention to what I’m going to say. “I need you to know that I don’t feel anything for Audrey anymore. I wouldn’t be here if I did. There’s only one woman I obsess over these days, and that’s you.” I tug on her hands so she’ll stand, and I drag her over onto my lap so her legs dangle down one side. “Tell me you believe me.”
She grazes her fingertips down my face. “I believe you.”
“Good. Now let me show you.”
I palm the back of her head and bring her in for a kiss that lasts longer than it should, given that we’re in public. Unlike the me of yesteryear, I don’t have any reservations about anyone here knowing this woman is mine.
ChapterTwenty-Six
Kenzie
Andrew and I head back to the room hand in hand after we finish another drink at the bar.
After he dragged me onto his lap and kissed me like that, I wanted to bolt to our room and rip the man’s clothes off, but I sensed that talking about his past had taken a lot out of him. So I thought it might be best if we stuck around for another drink, changed the topic of conversation, and lightened the mood.
My idea did the trick. He seems somehow lighter and less tense now that he’s told me about Audrey.
I feel for Andrew. The pain in his eyes was evident when he told me about her, and I can’t imagine having something so devastating play out in front of everyone you know. Let’s face it, a man doesn’t usually propose unless he’s sure the woman will say yes. Being so blindsided must’ve really been terrible.
It helps me understand him more. When we met, he kept me at a distance and was brisk and cold, and since we’ve officially started seeing each other, I still felt he wasn’t completely letting me in. But with his confession this afternoon, I know that he will. It may take time, but I can be patient because he’s worth it.
We arrive at our room and Andrew unlocks the door, opening it wide and motioning for me to enter first. I do, and the moment the door closes behind us, the tension in the room ratchets up to a ten.
Andrew has been clear that he’s not comfortable sleeping with me without knowing for certain that he thinks we can go the distance, and I respect and appreciate his chivalry. But if I’m honest, all I want is for this man to strip me down and fuck my brains out. Before, when we were just friends, I tried to push those thoughts out of my head, but since we’ve started dating, that’s proved impossible.
“Would you mind if I had a catnap before we head down for some dinner?” he asks. “Maybe we could take a walk after we eat if the snow has stopped. Apparently they have a lighted path through the forest that you can wander when it’s dark.”
I set aside my disappointment that Andrew doesn’t plan on ravishing me and smile at him. “Of course not. If I watch a Christmas movie on TV, will that keep you up?”
He shakes his head. “Not at all. That drive really took it out of me, and I was up early to pack since I didn’t get home from the office until late last night.”
“Shocker,” I joke.
He rolls his eyes and walks over to the bed, folds down the covers on the bed, and climbs in, fully clothed.
My shoulders sag a bit, but I walk to the other side, grabbing the remote on the way and turn on the TV. I settle in under the covers and flick through the channels until I find a Christmas movie, then I settle back into the pillows to relax.
I must drift off, because the next thing I feel is Andrew pressed into me from behind, his arm snaking around my waist to rest on my stomach.
My reaction is instant. I roll my hips and press into the considerable girth I feel pressed against my ass.
Andrew leans in, and his deep, rough voice sounds in my ear. “I tried to sleep. I really did. But all I could think about was how you were only a few feet from me in bed. And then my mind went all kinds of filthy places.” He accentuates his words by rubbing his hard length against my ass crack.
It makes me moan and I tilt my head back. His tongue traces a path up my neck until he nibbles on my ear as his hand coasts up my abdomen and he palms my breast. My breathing grows labored when he somehow finds my nipple through my sweater and flicks his thumb back and forth over it.