“Because I can say whatever the hell I want, and no one can hear me. And it feels good to get it out.”
When I was a kid, surviving my parents’ bullshit, this is where I came to yell and cry.
When Tanner broke up with me, I came here to scream at the water.
And the night before Anthony took me to California, this is where I came to say goodbye.
“I was a fool.” I lean down and pick up a rare shell that isn’t shattered to bits and tuck it into my pocket. “He swept me off my feet so fast because all I ever wanted was love. My parents didn’t even love themselves, much less each other; how could they love their kids? Then Tanner left me. I just wanted tobelongto someone.”
I huff out a breath and stop walking just before the surf crashes around my ankles.
“And now, I belong tome, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s what I should have been chasing all along, rather than approval and affection from someone else.”
I shake my head and let out a long, slow breath.
I need to go see my younger brother, Scott. He’s the biggest regret in my life. I wasn’t allowed to have any contact with him after getting married, and I wish I’d defied Anthony and maintained a relationship with Scott.
But, I didn’t. I was weak and did what I was told to do. I just wanted to fly under the radar, and keep the peace, because to do anything else made my life a living hell.
And because of that, Scott hates me.
“I have to try to have a relationship with him.” I wipe at a tear. “He’s my brother, and I have to try.”
Scott sought me out the night of the fire to make sure that I was okay, but since that night, we haven’t spoken. I’ve told myself that I’m giving him space, but in reality, I’m nothing but a chicken.
“It’s time to make things right.”
With that decided, I check the time. It’s not yet eight in the morning. I don’t know for sure what Scott’s working hours are as an EMT here in Huckleberry Bay, but I could find out by showing up to see if he’s home.
So, I walk back to the steps where my flip-flops wait and climb up to my new little house. God, I love it here, more than I ever thought I could love a place. I enjoyed my little apartment above Wolfe’s garage, but this is on a whole different level entirely.
The vibe of the space is calm and inviting, and it’s so quiet here, I’ve been able to paint like a woman possessed since I moved in just a few days ago.
It feels likehome, and I don’t know if I’ve ever truly felt this way anywhere that I’ve lived. I certainly didn’t feel welcome in my parents’ house. My ex-husband made sure that I was never fully at ease when I was with him.
And the apartment, while comfortable and convenient, was above a busy garage, where it was noisy and bustling.
Finally, I have a place where I feel calm and utterly safe.
I pet Petunia and pour some food into her dish, and once I’ve rinsed my feet and dressed for the day, I walk the half-mile or so to Scott’s house. Shortly after I returned to Huckleberry Bay, June and Luna told me that Scott had bought his own home and was doing well for himself.
I’m so damn proud of him.
I turn the corner of Cherry Lane and feel the butterflies set in. The last time I came to visit him, before the fire, it didn’t go well at all. He said some hurtful things.
“It’s been a while since then,” I whisper to myself as I walk up to the porch. His truck is in the driveway, indicating that he’s home.
Hopefully, he’s alone.
I knock and step back, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth, and wait.
Just when I think that he’s probably sleeping, and I should go, the door opens, and Scott frowns down at me in confusion.
“You okay, Sarah?”
“Oh, yeah.” I clear my throat. “I’m fine. I just wanted to stop by and see you because I was thinking about you this morning, and…well. I just wanted to see you.”
The last few words are a whisper, and he narrows his eyes, eyes that are so much like my own, and then steps back without a word, indicating that I should come in.