Fuck.
I stop moving and gaze at her confused face. So beautiful. “Enough of the sleepy sex,” I declare, pulling out and ramming back into her brutally, letting my frustration take over. She cries out.
Damn my fucking history.
I retreat, smashing forward again.
Damn my stupid fucking choices.
I draw back and hammer home.
Damn my fucking life.
Bang.
Damn my weaknesses.
Bang.
Damn my darkness.
Bang.
Damn my black fucking soul.
Bang.
I take pleasure in Ava grabbing my hair and pulling it, take comfort in the pain. And when I kiss her and she bites my lip, I will her to bite harder. Hurt me. Make me suffer here and now, but please,pleaseaccept me. My hips work overtime, pounding into her, my head ready to explode with the pressure of my thoughtsandmy pleasure.
“I’m never letting you go,” I say as I kiss her wildly.
“I don’t want you to.”
I still, the words knocking me out of my hysteria. She doesn’t want me to.Listen to her, Ward. Don’t doubt it. Cut the self-sabotage bullshit.I look at her, and she withdraws, looking away, telling me I’ve failed to wipe the irritation from my face. Damn me.
“Look at me now, Ava,” I order harshly, wishing I could control this frustration. It’s not her, it’s me. All of this is me. I force my face to relax, to soften and hopefully ease her. “We’re going to have this conversation when you’re sound-minded and not crazy with lust.” I find my pace again and get us back on track to our morning highs before I let my crazy thoughts ruin it. But there’s the problem. They’re not crazy thoughts.
Shit, kiss her.
I let my mouth plummet to hers, struggling for air. Unable to breathe steadily.
Is it panic?
Pleasure?
Both?
My eyes close, and I concentrate, whimpering like a fucking baby when she strokes through my hair. “I’m going to come.” So damn hard.“Come with me, Ava. Give it to me.”
I up the ante, hitting her cleanly and precisely, hammering away the negativity. And then she screams. And I jerk. “That’s it, baby.” And my dick detonates, filling her to the fucking brim, my release coming and coming, not letting up, not relenting, not giving me a second to catch my breath.Oh, my fucking God.
My muscles call it quits and leave me collapsing onto the bed in a heap on top of her. “I don’t know what to say,” I murmur quietly, shell-shocked.
And it would appear she doesn’t either, because she’s silent, and it starts to get slightly uncomfortable. Again, my fault. All my thoughts, my mood, my harsh words when she said something I really wanted to hear.
“Can I use the bathroom now?” she asks, wriggling beneath me. I sigh, sliding out and falling to my back on the bed.What have I done?
She slips out of bed and walks quietly but hastily across the bedroom, and my eyes don’t leave her fleeing form until she shuts the door behind her. The only reason I’m letting her go is because she’s headed to the bathroom. Had she tried to leave, I can’t promise I wouldn’t have dragged her back to my bed like the caveman I appear to have become.