Animus wanted me?
A hopeful feeling soared in my chest. It felt like I was flying through the air again, but I was grounded, sitting here with my hands threading Animus's silky hair. The inside-out fire was so hot now that I felt it in my cheeks. It burned in other parts of my body, too—the most noticeable was between my legs. It manifested as arousal, making me feel both shy and excited.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I'd been turned on before, but never in regard to a specific person. It was always an ambient feeling, just a bodily function I dealt with and moved on.
This, however, was distinctly because of Animus.
My heart thumped fast and hard. When Animus said he wanted me, did he mean it in a romantic way? A sexual way?
Maybe, I thought with an excited lurch of my stomach, both?
My mouth felt dry. "I want you, too," I said.
I couldn't tell for sure, but I thought I saw a flash of pure happiness in Animus's eyes. It wasn't there for long—a second later, he looked tormented. He bit his lip, furrowed his brow and stared into the forest.
"I… I shouldn't," he mumbled. "No, I can't."
My hopes sank. "Why?"
His jaw went taut with tension. The corners of his eyes were wet as if he might cry.
"I promised myself I wouldn't do this again," Animus said under his breath.
I frowned. "Do what again?"
Animus clenched his eyes shut for a long moment.
He did that once in a while. He would go quiet for a second, which turned into minutes of being lost in his own thoughts. Whenever it happened, I wished I could see his thoughts. If I knew what was bothering him, maybe I could fix it.
But sometimes we all needed quiet, private time. I let him have it. But to show him he wasn't alone, I put my hands on top of his.
Animus opened his eyes. The tears had fully formed in them now.
My heart hurt. What had upset him so badly?
"I'm sorry, Leveret. I like you. I want…" He swallowed. "I want to spend time with you. But I can't do it if this leads to something more."
My hope, which sank earlier, now shattered. It felt like I’d been standing on a glass floor that burst into a million pieces, sending me into a freefall.
"Oh. That's okay," I said quietly, not feeling okay at all. I stared down at our hands, still touching. "If you want, could you tell me why?"
Animus let out a rough sigh. It sounded like he couldn't breathe properly. "Fine. You deserve to know. A very long, long time ago… I fell in love with a different mortal."
A sharp pain pulsed in my chest. I raised my head with a gasp. It took me a second to realize this horrible feeling was jealousy. It was the same thing I felt when Lupa returned from her date, announcing she'd found her one true love—her fated mate. Except the sensation throbbing in my ribs right now was far worse. It was almost like Animus's words formed a dagger that slipped into my rib cage.
As if noticing the horrible expression on my face, Animus intervened. "I'm not in love with him anymore. Let me make that crystal clear."
Instantly, the invisible dagger got less painful. I exhaled in relief.
"What was his name?" I asked, surprised by how ragged my own voice sounded. "What kind of shifter was he?"
Animus glanced down. "His name was Christopher." There was a long, drawn-out beat before he spoke again. "And he wasn't a shifter."
"He was a human?"
That was just like Lupa and her mate, Hazel. The coincidence amused me. But only slightly. I was still jealous about this Christopher human, despite it being ages ago. For some reason, I felt protective and possessive over Animus.
"Yes," Animus said slowly.