I snicker, and he brushes his thumb over the corner of my mouth. “Missed some.” He pushes in the escaped liquid, and I swallow it as he helps me to my feet. The knocking becomes more insistent, and he yanks up his pants, fumbling with his buckle.
“Coming.”
I rush to the bathroom, giggling as he tries to get himself together and deal with his family. How will I look them in the eyes after having him jammed down my throat? I look at myself in the mirror. How do I tell him I want to do this again and again? Gripping the sink, I take in the dewy glow of my face and the joy in my eyes. How could I ever contain this and return to how we were? I close my eyes. Have I let my childish desire to gain my mother’s approval ruin us?
***
I glance at the rest of the family cheerily serenading the elderly patients in the common room of Maple Crest retirement home.
Gathered in rows of folding chairs and along the perimeter of the room in wheelchairs and scooters, the enjoyment on their face makes me smile.
“You want to tell me what’s actually going on?” My cousin’s voice comes from just behind me.
“What are you talking about?”
Bryan shakes his head. “There’s no way you could keep this under wraps for six months. Not from me, at least.”
“We explained why—”
“Don’t insult me like that, bro.” Bryan’s brow dips.
I exhale, weighing my options.
“Last I knew, you didn’t have those feelings for her. At least that’s what you’ve sworn to me for years. How long have you been lying?”
“It’s not like that.” I shake my head.
“No? Explain it then.” Bryan crosses his arms over his chest.
I glance around. I could use Bryan’s advice about the mess I’m in. “Alright. But not here.”
“You know, we always help serve them hot cocoa. Let’s volunteer in the kitchen.”
Catching Dec’s eyes, I gesture toward the kitchen, and she nods before continuing her conversation with a curly white-haired woman knitting what looks to be a blanket. I smile at the nurse at the information center as we move toward the kitchen. Knocking, I stick my head in.
“Hey, Mrs. Anna. We’re here to get the cocoa set up.” I tell the head cook we’ve been working with for years.
The plump woman's gray hair is smoothed down and pulled back into a low-hanging ponytail. She waves us in with a kind smile. She perched her round silver spectacles on her small nose. With round cheeks and jovial disposition, she’s always reminded me of Mrs. Claus. Not that I’d ever say that out loud.
“Excellent! The residents always look forward to this.” She grins. “The hot chocolate is in the crock pot, ready to go along with the whipped cream in the fridge. You boys know where the mugs are. Place them on the trays, and we’ll start delivering them in five minutes or so.”
“It’ll be ready.” She slips back out of the kitchen, and we head to the cupboard to remove the white mugs.
“Alright, start talking.” Bryan isn’t giving me a chance to weasel out of an explanation.
“I never admitted my feelings for Dec because I didn’t allow myself to dwell on them. We both know how romance can ruin a friendship. It was easier to stay in the safe space of friends. I was okay with remaining that way until she pulled me into her fantasy.”
“Wait. Is this a kinky thing?” He wags his eyebrows up and down.
“Stop.” I elbow him, and he chuckles as we finish filling the second tray with mugs.
“What? I wasn’t kink-shaming. I was simply enquiring.” We move the silver trays toward the black crockpots.
“No, she told her mother she was dating someone, and then I walked in, and she kissed me.”
“And how was that?” Bryan asks carefully.
“Like being electrocuted and having glasses placed on so you can finally see clearly. It all just clicked into place with that one gesture.”