He steps us inside the apartment, closing the door behind me as he continues to comfort me. “It’s okay sweetheart, I’m here. I’m here.”
We sit on the couch for an hour. I go through fits of crying while Alex comforts me, getting me more tissues and water. He doesn’t offer his opinion, doesn’t try to tell me I’m strong and I’ll be fine, he just lets me feel.
My head hurts, my eyes are red and swollen. I lean against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as he gently rubs my head. I know I’m falling in love with this man, and it scares me.
My mind wanders, and I consider what would have happened if I didn’t have Alex and Tim had shown up. Would I have taken him back? I feel confident I wouldn’t have, but then a hint of guilt creeps in. What if this break was exactly what Tim needed to change? What if I gave up on the relationship too soon? My parents always taught me that marriage requires work from both parties, that love is a choice. There were plenty of times in their relationship when one or both wanted to give up and walk away, but they didn’t.
“Stop overthinking everything, I can hear your brain turning.” Alex’s hand stills on my head. “Just listen to your gut, Sadie. Follow your heart.”
I pick myself up off Alex’s chest and look at him, my body still hovering over his. “Are you happy?”
“Right now? Absolutely.” He brushes my hair behind my ear. “Are you?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure. I want to be. I feel like I haven’t been truly happy in so long.”
“What makes you happy, Sadie?”
“Little things. Spending time with people I love and care about. Feeling like I matter to someone. My job.” He chuckles. “I’m serious, I really love my job, and I’m good at it.”
“You are incredibly good at it.”
“What makes you happy?”
His eyes shift away from me, then back. “I enjoy my job as well. But I think I tend to lose myself in it too often because I don’t have a family to invest in. Making you smile.” His eyes soften and then his expression turns a touch more serious. “I want to make you happy.”
We stare at each other and inch closer. The tension builds between us, the rhythm of his breath growing faster. Finally, we close the distance. His lips cover mine and his hand comes to rest against the back of my head.
This kiss is different from any other kiss we’ve shared. It’s not hungry or a prelude to sex. It’s passionate, but deeper. It’s like we’re telling each other how we feel without words. I pull back and look at him, his eyes telling me he feels the exact same way I do. That right now, in this moment, our relationship has changed.
* * *
It’s beena week since I saw Tim.
I’ve been keeping myself busy with work now that the new year has passed. Alex and I have maintained our vow to focus on our friendship, that one kiss being the only time we’ve been intimate since we agreed to just be friends.
Each day, my confidence in my decision to not try and work things out with Tim grows. He doesn’t deserve a second chance. I still have moments of weakness where I struggle with it, not because I’m still in love with him but because I just have a hard time letting go of someone I thought I’d spend my life with. I’ve even started therapy, and she’s been helping me work through those feelings, and has helped me realize it’s a pretty normal thing to experience.
My stomach grumbles and I check the time. It’s just after noon. I grab my purse and walk down to Marsha’s desk.
“Hey Marsh, I’m heading to lunch, want to join?”
“I would love to, but unfortunately, I have a client meeting at 12:30. Enjoy something delicious for me. I’m back on my new year diet.” She rolls her eyes and lifts up a container of salad.
“I can bring you back a cookie?” I laugh. She briefly considers it but shakes her head.
“No, I’m going to be good so I can enjoy a glass of wine tonight.”
“Okay, back in a bit.” I head toward the elevators and pull out my phone, thinking of inviting Alex, but decide against it. I’ve been trying to spend more time with myself and focus on my own happiness.
I step outside and shield my eyes from the midday sun. Shocking, it’s actually a sunny January day in Chicago. It’s that weird time of year where we get all four seasons in a single week. It’s shockingly balmy out, so instead of hailing a cab or heading to the train, I decide to walk the few blocks to my favorite sandwich shop.
“Sadie? It is you! How are you?”
I spin around at the crosswalk, glancing past a few people to see Jeff Miller, one of Tim’s coworkers I was friendly with when I tagged along to his happy hours and holiday parties.
“Jeff, so good to see you.” We hug briefly and the walk signal lights up for us to cross.
“Hey, you got a few minutes?”