“Don’t overthink it,” I mutter to myself as I flip my pillow to the cold side and attempt to shut out the noise from my brain, but the peace doesn’t last long.
Alex’s question about whether I’d heard from Tim haunts me. I reach for my phone and scroll to our last text thread. Reading through our most recent messages, it hits me how normal they seem, like we were a typical couple. Questions about what we would have for dinner, or when one of us would be home. Even a few brief conversations about the upcoming holidays. Anybody else reading these would never know we were on the precipice of a “break.” But looking back, I sensed it. I could feel it in my gut every single day. I can’t believe I was so surprised by his demand for a break. I’d seen it coming for months, but I didn’t want to admit it.
My chest tightens, and I scroll back down to the bottom and type out a simple message to him. Although we aren’t together anymore, I still want to wish him a Merry Christmas.
Me:Hey, hope you’re doing well. Just wanted to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas. I hope you have an amazing holiday.
I hit send and place my phone back on my nightstand, then roll onto my back to stare at the ceiling, a single tear dripping from the corner of my eye and rolling down my cheek to my pillow. For as much as I know that I deserve better—that I want better— it’s still hard for me to process that a man I once loved and thought I would spend the rest of my life with would soon merely be a stranger. A man I’d known once but didn’t anymore.
My phone lights up on my nightstand and I quickly reach over to grab it, thinking it’s a response from Tim. It isn’t.
Karlie:Hey girl, thinking about you. I know we teased you a lot about Alex the other night but if you like him, go for it. Don’t be worried about what it looks like moving on from Tim or how your family will react. Do what makes you happy, you deserve to be happy babe. We all love you so much and have fun tomorrow with your family. Don’t overthink it. Alex will have a great time, that man is SERIOUSLY INTO YOU! Okay, Merry Christmas, hugs and kisses to you and the fam.
I smile at the message, choking back a sob because of how much I needed to hear that. It’s almost like she’s in my head with me, but the reality is she just knows me that well. Lately, I’ve felt a lot of guilt for not listening to my friends more when it came to Tim, but also for not listening to my own intuition.
I type out a quick response and hit send.
Me:Thank you. It’s like you always know just what I need to hear at just the right time. Never apologize for being honest with me about things you see that I’m too blind to notice…or that I willingly avoid. You’re more than just a friend, you’re my sister and I love you too. Merry Christmas.
After putting my phone face down on my nightstand, I roll over to catch some sleep.
* * *
I’m notsure I’m at all ready for today. Spinning around in front of my full-length mirror, I double-check my outfit of jeans and a simple ivory sweater. I pull my hair back then let it fall back down, completely overthinking how I look.
I check the time.
“Shit!” It’s already almost seven, which is when Alex said he was going to pick me up. I opt to leave my hair down and put on some simple gold hoops and a matching chain before grabbing a pair of brown ankle boots. I’m hopping on one foot, attempting to zip up the second boot when I hear a knock at my front door.
I swing it open, and there he is. Alex is wearing a pair of black slacks, a chunky red sweater, and a black peacoat, and looking every inch the part of a handsome lead in a Hallmark movie, complete with snowflakes dotting his shoulders.
“Hi.” He smiles, and my stomach instantly coils into a knot of nerves and excitement.
I smile back, opening the door a little wider. “Hi. Is it snowing?”
“Yup, seems like it snowed through the night, there’s a few inches on the ground but the plows are out. Merry Christmas,” he adds, holding out a small gold box wrapped with a red ribbon.
I smile wider as I take the box from him, and he steps inside. “You didn’t have to get me anything, I feel bad now.”
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing huge. Just made me think of you when I saw it.”
“Should I open it now?”
“Of course.” He slides his hands in his pockets and watches me. There’s a look in his eyes I don’t think I’ve seen before, or at least, haven’t noticed. A look I can’t quite put my finger on, but it’s like he’s seeing me in a completely different way.
I slide the ribbon off the box and lift the lid. Inside is an ornament of Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Seyfried, Rachel McAdams, and Lacey Chabert dressed in their sexy Santa Claus outfits they wore inMean Girlsfor their rendition of “Jingle Bell Rock.”
I laugh as I stare down at the ornament. “Oh my god.”
“Sorry, couldn’t resist. Plus”—he reaches out and brushes my hair back from my face—“you’ve almost got the red hair.” He winks.
“Thank you, and Merry Christmas.” I stand there awkwardly, unsure if I’m supposed to kiss him. Before I can decide, he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me to him.
“Come here.” His lips find mine and he kisses me softly for several seconds before his tongue slides inside my mouth. Every single time he kisses me, my body comes alive. I want the sensation to linger, want it to build into more, but he pulls back. “Are you ready to head out?”
“Yes, just let me grab my coat and purse.”
I rummage through my purse and pull out my keys to lock the door behind us before leading the way downstairs. “My car is just across the street,” I say as we exit the building, pointing to where I’m parked. The fresh snow crunches beneath our boots, and the clean, frosty winter air is refreshing.