“He says we’re all welcome to go,” I announced to the room. The orchestra girls squealed with excitement and started chattering animatedly about what they were going to wear.
I put my head down and sent off a reply to Jax.The other girls are going to go, but I really am tired, so I’m just going to stay in and read. Sorry. Another night maybe?
Jax:Nah. You’re coming tonight.
Me:I can’t! I’ll probably pass out from exhaustion if I do.
Jax:Remember that time you were being stubborn and I had to pick you up and throw you over my shoulder just to get you in the car?
Me:Yes. Why?
Jax:Are you gonna make me do it again?
I laughed and relented.Okay, fine! I’ll come, but only for the free drinks and food :p
I plodded upstairs to my room and had a nap to regain my lost energy. Afterward, I spent the evening getting dolled up for the party with the rest of the girls.
As I curled my hair, I silently told myself that I was dressing up for my benefit only. I wasn’t looking to impress anyone tonight. I only shaved my legs earlier because I liked the feeling of them being soft and smooth, and I only put on a dress that showed off my cleavage because it made me feel confident. Also, I only borrowed Simi’s gorgeously-scented Van Cleef & Arpels Orchidée Vanille perfume and dotted it on my wrists, neck, and inner thighs because I liked to smell nice. None of it was for Jax’s benefit at all. Just mine.
Bullshit,said a devious little voice in the back of my head.
“Oh, shut up,” I told myself in the mirror.
“Who are you talking to?” Erin asked, stepping into the bathroom behind me.
“Uhh… just myself,” I said, cheeks instantly flushing hot with embarrassment.
She cocked her head. “Isn’t talking to yourself the first sign of insanity?”
I grinned. “Probably.”
“Nice.” She gave me a facetious thumbs up. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yup. Let me just grab my coat.”
We gathered up our roommates and crunched through the snow, holding onto each other’s arms to make sure none of us slipped in the darkness. The whole time, I smiled and giggled with the others, but my brain was a tangle of stressors and worst-case scenarios. The bullying had been over and done with for weeks now, but I was still worried that something would happen to bring the knife down on my neck again.
I wondered if I’d always be worried about this stuff. Did things like that ever really go away? Did people ever really move on?
“This is it,” Erin announced, stopping in front of a chalet at the top of the slope.
It was the same size as ours, with the addition of an enormous carved bear statue out the front. Someone had hung a wreath around its neck made of soda can tabs strung together.
We walked around to the deck at the back. Music was pumping and people were everywhere. Some groups splashed in the hot tub while others lounged in the Adirondack chairs on the deck. In the distance, a bonfire raged, sending tiny sparks soaring into the air like fireflies.
“Let’s go inside,” Erin said, tugging on my wrist. “It looks like they’ve got a keg in there.”
As I stepped up to the glass door, I took off my coat and nervously patted the side of my hair, hoping the wind hadn’t ruined it too much.
Bobbi Kesinovic appeared on the threshold, flashing me a bright smile. “Hi, Kinsey! Love the dress.”
“Thank you.” I returned her smile with a nervous one of my own. “Your shoes are cool.”
“Thanks!” She shot a glance at Erin and widened her eyes. “Who are you? Are you new?”
Erin gave her a withering look. “I’m Erin Middleton. We’ve gone to school together since freshman year.”
Bobbi’s smile faltered, and she blinked rapidly. “Oh. Really? Wow.” She stepped aside. “Anyway, come in. The guys set up a drinks table over there!”