Her brows puckered. “So you guys don’t hang out at all?”
“Not really. Why?”
“I just figured you two might’ve gotten closer after everything that’s happened.”
“No. I’d tell you if we did.” I hesitated and tossed another glance in Jax’s direction. “I don’t think we’ll ever be best friends or anything like that. But I’m grateful for everything he did, obviously. When I first saw that tape, I was honestly terrified he was going to stay on his dad’s side and somehow use it against me.”
Erin nodded slowly. “It must’ve been so hard for him to go against his dad like that. He hero-worshiped the guy his whole life,” she said. “Now he’s practically an orphan.”
I frowned. “An orphan?”
“Well, I mean, both his parents are still alive, but his mom fucked off to Europe ages ago, and he obviously won’t be having much contact with George anymore. So he’s basically on his own now.”
She was right. Jax had sacrificed a hell of a lot for my sake. I hadn’t even considered it because I’d selfishly thought of no one but myself and my mother over the last few weeks.
“I never really thought of it that way,” I said softly. Guilt wormed its way through my insides as I spoke, making my stomach churn.
“You know, I’ve always thought he has a bit of a thing for you,” Erin went on. “I mean, I know he was always a total asshole to you before all this stuff happened, but I still thought some small part of him had a crush on you. Just a vibe I got.”
I turned my head and met Jax’s eyes again, silently struggling to parse my thoughts and feelings toward him. I was so conflicted. Part of me had always been attracted to him, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure if I could forgive him for all the awful things he’d done to me when he thought I was trying to ruin his family. After all, he was the one who initially instigated the bullying and turned everyone against me, including that psychotic bitch Cerina. My life had been a nightmarish hellscape for months because of that shit.
Sure, Jax had turned over a new leaf in recent weeks and helped me with the case against his dad… but was that enough? Would anything ever be enough after all the bullshit I went through because of him?
I dropped my gaze from his face and focused on the textbooks in my hands. “I should probably head to class,” I said. “The bell is about to go off.”
Erin glanced at her watch and grimaced. “Shit. I have to make it all the way over to the physics lab in the next thirty seconds,” she said. “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”
She turned around and took two steps before stopping in her tracks and whirling back around. “Wait, I forgot to ask. Did you sign up for the senior trip yet? Today’s the last day before the cutoff.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I’ll go.”
“Really? Why? Everyone else is going.”
“That’s exactly why I don’t want to go,” I said, shoulders sagging. “I know everyone is being nice to me now, but I can’t just forget how they tormented me over the last few months. It’ll be weird to go away with all of them on vacation and act like nothing happened.”
“But it could be really good for you to get away from everything for a few days,” Erin insisted. “Plus it’s at Lake Tahoe! Nothing bad ever happens there.”
I raised a brow. “You know, I actually heard that Tahoe is filled with dead bodies. Apparently the Mafia used to use it as a dumping ground for their victims. The bodies don’t disintegrate either. The water is too cold for decomposition to occur.”
“And you sayIread too much fiction,” Erin said, poking me in the arm. She widened her eyes and affected a wheedling tone. “Come on. Sign up. It’ll be so fun. Please, please, please?”
I chewed on my bottom lip as I considered it. As usual, Erin was right. A bit of escapism was exactly what I needed right now. Also, the senior trip was free thanks to PTO sponsors, so my mom wouldn’t have to pay a single dime toward it.
“Fine,” I said, grinning and rolling my eyes upward in a joking manner. “I’ll come.”
16
Kinsey
“You know,if we’re lucky, it’ll be snowing up there when we arrive,” Erin said, nudging my knee with hers.
“This early in the year?” I glanced out the bus window. The sky was heavy with gray clouds, but everything on the ground was still green and brown. No snowflakes in sight.
“Trust me, I’ve been vacationing at Tahoe every year since I was a kid. It definitely snows in November,” she said. “Just wait till we get a little closer. You’ll see.”
“Does your family have a place up there?” I asked, turning back to her.
“Yup. Near Dollar Point.”