“So do you, and I’m not the one to do it, Lucas.”
“You’re the only one who can. And I’m the only one who can do it for you.”
Oddly, this seems to make sense to her, yet she says, “Not now.”
“Then when?”
“I’m here to see Jade.”
“She’s not here, but I am. I’m standing right here. Don’t shut me out.”
Tears start falling down her face, and I immediately regret pushing.
“Three months ago, I lost Collin. Two nights ago, I’m drunk and asking you todo me. How fucked up is that? I can’t talk to you about this, Lucas, because it’s about you. It’s about how disgusted I feel about wanting you because I’m still grieving the loss of a man who would never hurt me.”
“I’m a different man now. I know I hurt you. I also know you’re going to try to sabotage us—you’re doing it right now. You’re trying to make me doubt who I am.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
“Then what are you trying to do?” When she doesn’t answer, I point out, “We talked about this.”
“You promised not to talk about anything. I can’t. Not this soon. Maybe not ever.”
“Just to me? Can you talk to Jade?”
She nods, and I wipe her tears. As soon as my hand touches her cheek, she presses into it and a nearly silent yet sorrow-filled sound of longing escapes her.
“You know why that is?”
She shakes her head.
“You don’t think I can handle it. You think that it’ll hurt me. It won’t, Tessa. I kind of loved the guy, too. Well, maybe not loved, but admired and respected him.”
She sniffs.
“And I know he gave a shit about me, too.”
“Because he knew I did,” she whispers.
“Yeah?” I’m hoping she gets that’s the same damn reason on my part. Collin and I had a mutual and unspoken understanding that she was that important to both of us. That understanding morphed into a friendship, and yeah, I fucked up once, but my children’s safety is no joke. He, of all people, felt the same. Ash … well, she clearly didn’t get that.
“Yeah. Like Ashley said, at least he doesn’t have to—”
“Oh no.” I pull her into a hug. “Your guy knew I wasn’t competition. Maybe not at first, but very soon after. He was kind of full of himself, you know.”
She looks up. “Sure of himself.”
“Right.” I kiss her head.
“Do you think I hurt him by keeping you in my life?”
I hate that Ashley put that in her head. “My wife is a bitch, something I didn’t really know until recently. She said it to—”
“Make me hurt and carry her guilt.” She nods.
“Jade?” I ask, assuming that’s where Tessa got that idea from.
“Yes, Jade. But she called it projecting.”