?
A couple hours later, we pull into the driveway, and I look at the clock. “We gotta get ready for Collin’s service.”
“I know.” Logan scowls down. “Sucks.”
“Yeah, bud, it sure does.”
FIVE
SERVICE
Ash, Logan, Ava, and I sit in the back of the church at Collin’s funeral. I can’t even begin to imagine what they’ve been through, what they will continue to go through. I watch my own children and, no, divorce is not the same—fuck no, it’s not—but I don’t even want that kind of hurt to touch them. I look from them and focus on Tomas, who is giving his eulogy. A fucking eulogy, and he’s not much older than I am. I think of Tommy and realize that it just may be true, that fucked up saying.
Only the good die young.
I watch Tessa, whose daughter is on one side of her, and her sons on the other. Her future son-in-law’s arm is around Harper as he reaches over and rubs Tessa’s shoulder, comforting her.
Whenever she struggled, whenever she celebrated, whenever major events happened in her life, I was there as her friend. It’s killing me to sit back here, but that’s not my priority.
I focus onmy priorities—my kids. I hold Ava as she tries to restrain a sob during the service. I pat Logan’s shoulder as he sits like his mother, looking down and silent.
After “Amazing Grace” is sung by Maddox, Harper’s fiancé, and his father, Brody, Maddox sings another song. It’s a little upbeat and full of promise.
All around, hope is springing up from this old ground.
Out of chaos, life is being found in you.
You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out of us.
I glance at my kids, and then at Ash—habit, I assume—but she’s watching me, too.
I look down, suddenly uncomfortable, and I don’t have a clue why I feel that way.
When the service is finished, we walk into the fellowship hall and toward Jade, who is helping the church women’s group set up the buffet-style luncheon. Ashley dives right in and assists Jade, and Logan heads toward Alex’s oldest son, Remington.
I watch Ava sputtering and talking to herself, so I walk over to her. “You okay?”
“Come with me, Daddy.”
I don’t have time to say a damn thing. She grabs my hand and drags me through the sanctuary and out the back door.
When we walk out, we see Harper clinging to Maddox, kissing him.
My little prize sticks her fingers in her mouth and whistles loudly.
Maddox smiles as he sets Harper on her feet.
Tessa walks over and pulls Ava’s head to her, kissing her cheek. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
Tessa looks up at me and nods, doing her damnedest to smile, a show for all of us, showing her strength.