“Mom, we lost Dad, my first child, Grandpa Harrison, I got married, we had a memorial service, and you’ve been with us on this tour. You’ve been here.”
“Not enough.” I kneel next to her and hold my hand to her stomach, and Maddox opens his eyes.
“She’ll be a soccer player.” He laughs as he takes out his earbuds. “She’s so active all the time.”
Tears begin falling, and I laugh as I feel my granddaughter kicking. “She’s going to be amazing.”
“Mom—”
“No. No excuses, just the facts. Life was horrible for a while, but I’m here now. No going back.”
“He would want that.” Harper smiles and places her hand over mine.
“I know that now.”
“What’s changed?”
“I don’t know. His letters. Time. Realizing that I have too much love to give. I am so excited about her, Harper. You’re going to be amazing parents.”
“We are,” Maddox agrees. “We have great role models.”
I love my son-in-law, truly, and so did … does Collin.
“Just going to warn you both now, I’m going to be taking her a lot.”
“Where?” Maddox sounds uneasy, and Harper and I both laugh.
“After a few weeks, I will take her to my room so you two can sleep once in a while. If she is cranky, I am going to hold her so you can shower, or eat, or breathe. Mom did that for us. After the boys were born, Collin begged me to go get a haircut with him. Then, every few weeks, we went to dinner. Just an hour or two for us. You’ll need that.”
“We won’t, will we, Harper?” Maddox’s voice is an entire octave higher with panic.
“I don’t know, Maddox. What do you think?” She looks at him, and he holds her stare for a bit.
“Oh, um … yep, we will need that once in a while.”
“Not for sex. You can—”
“Uncomfortable,” Maddox whispers.
“Oh please, the amount of times I have accidentally walked in on the two of you?” I laugh, and so do they. “We need to plan a baby shower, decorate a nursery, get everything set. She’ll be here before you know it. If not earlier, like you were.”
“Oh no, our little one is scheduled on October thirty-first. It’s Dad’s birthday. She will not deviate from that plan. Right, Harper?”
“Mom knows I’m not all that impressed with the date, Maddox. No need to rub it in.”
“You never know.” I lean down and kiss her belly. “I’m going to head back to my room. Goodnight, I love you all.”
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I shower, throw on a tank top, and then climb into bed. I’m ready for a good night’s sleep.
I say my prayers, as usual, and settle in, ready to toss and turn.
I know Harper will forgive me, but I know how hard it is to forgive myself, so none of this will be easy.
While trying to sleep, I talk to Collin, and even though I know he knows, I tell him about feeling our granddaughter’s kicks.
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