“No, I…” She was as confused as he was. Blaming him for something she herself wanted would be wrong. She didn’t want to do that. “We are both to blame for this.”
“I kissed you,” he corrected her. “I shouldn’t have done that. I was simply…” He endeavored to find a plausible excuse as to what happened as he scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I was so happy that we finally have something to go on; I… I crossed the line.”
“We both crossed the line, Edwin.” She did not want him to feel guilty about this when she was as much to blame as he was. It wouldn’t be fair.
“This won’t happen again, Lydia,” he assured her solemnly as if he were giving the most serious and sacred promise of his life. She believed him although she wasn’t certain that she wanted it never to happen again. But he was right. It was a mistake. Their relationship was and should remain strictly professional.
“I cannot agree more,” she nodded, trying to obtain a modicum of dignity after she grabbed him like a ferocious animal, demanding from him to kiss her more. “We shall forget it ever happened.”
“And we shall never speak of it again,” he added.
They nodded a few more times, just for good measure, then there was silence. Only this time, it did not feel like that pleasant silence. There was something in it that was pushing them apart. She didn’t want to allow that to happen.
“So, we are going to visit more jewelers today?” she asked although she knew their plan well. She simply wished to fill that uncomfortable silence with something.
“Yes,” he smiled, grabbing at her suggestion like a drowning man grabbed at someone’s hand, promising to pull him out of the water. “I think we should head out immediately.” With those words, he stood up.
She followed suit. “I am ready when you are,” she smiled.
They started to walk towards the door when he mentioned a few of the jewelers that he thought might know something about the necklace. It was all empty talk; she knew that much. They had discussed this once before, but he was endeavoring to make everything all right between them. She appreciated his effort immensely and replied with her own comments.
In the carriage, their conversation continued, and little by little, she felt as if things would truly be all right. Then, she remembered that she said they should forget it ever happened. He agreed.
A dreadful realization seized her, and it gripped at her with its cold talon.
She lied.
CHAPTER15
They spent the whole morning and half of the afternoon visiting jewelers, talking to them, and asking all sorts of questions. The result was always the same. It was a generic necklace with no particular markings that might divulge where it was made or who purchased it. It was all turning out to be a wild goose chase — at least, that was how Edwin was starting to feel.
The kiss from this morning was still in the back of his mind. Lydia urged him to forget about it.Forget about it?He doubted that such a thing was possible. Seeing her like that, so beautiful, so enthralling, he knew that he could not pass up the opportunity to kiss her. It was stronger than him. He completely lost control over his own body, and he relished every moment of it.
However, it was a mistake. They had not discussed any such possibility of their… relationship developing into anything other than aiding him in the case of his missing sister. He basically attacked her. That was how it felt despite the fact that she reciprocated his kiss.
And how…The way she kissed was something out of this world. This sweet but stubborn young lady had a fire inside of her which he had suspected was there, but he could not even dream that it was so powerful to threaten to burn them both at the same time. She kissed the hell out of him. He almost chuckled aloud at that thought but managed to only smirk and remain silent as the carriage rocked them towards Hyde Park.
His suggestion was that they needed to take a short break, enjoy some fresh air, and allow their minds to rest from their hunt then they would continue with a few leftover jewelers in the vicinity of the area they were in. She surprised him by agreeing immediately. The footman was given clear directions to take them there, and when the carriage stopped, Edwin jumped out, helping Lydia and Susannah climb down.
It was a lovely day for a walk. However, that also meant that there would be a lot of other people there with the same intention. Eyes would see. Tongues would wag. He personally did not care. Not about himself, at least, but he did care about Lydia and her own reputation.
Still, the desire to be by her side was too overpowering. He could have suggested that he take her back home. He could have ended their search for the day right here. After all, it’s not like they had much success. They were getting tired of getting the same answer over and over again. Perhaps that was a sign that they were doing something wrong. They needed to change their approach or at least, change something. But he had no idea what he could change. It seemed that neither did she.
Yes, he could have taken her home. He ought to have taken her home, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. He wanted to gaze at her for a little while longer, and the safest way to do it would be in front of everyone else, proving that they were not doing anything wrong.
They strolled through Hyde Park slowly, walking past other couples and small groups of people. Some of them he knew. Some of them he did not. Yet, they all seemed to notice them. In many ways, London was nothing but a small village with people even more willing to gossip and come up with stories than in a real small village.
Lydia did not seem to care. She was walking languidly as if she did not have a single care in the world. He wanted to offer her his hand, but after what happened this morning, he decided against it. Touching her again might be too much for him. It was safer to keep a distance between them.
“I’m sorry we didn’t learn anything new,” she suddenly said with a disappointed sigh.
“Sorry?” He had to chuckle. “Why on earth would you be sorry?”
“I feel like we failed your sister now,” she said, sounding melancholy. “It is one more day that is lost.”
“You never know what tomorrow will bring,” he reminded her. “Perhaps we shall find her tomorrow.”
The thought sounded comforting although he himself doubted its truth. However, it seemed to be something she needed to hear. He wanted to make her feel better, even if it were only with mere words.