In the past, such a realization warmed me but now it’s like I’m submerged in an ice bath, simply frozen with one point of knowledge…
One of us is going to die.
And Killian's choice likely won’t even matter.
I understand now, why Killian doesn’t vocalize the choice that bleeds so clearly from every pore. My heart swells, torn between wanting to hear those words and understanding why they can never be uttered.
Blair sniffles next to me, lifting her head slowly to peek out through the crimson straggles of hair that frame her face. Her skin is ghastly pale and blood clings to her lower lip from when she’d tried to bargain everything to be set free. She’d been met with a fist to the face and an order for silence.
“You are vasting time and I do not care for zese threats,” Nikolay laughs loudly, a scratching sound like grit caught in my ear. “You sit high upon your zrone of pride, zinking you cannot be touched. You hide away like ze rats you are and ven I find you, you zink you can zreaten me into obedience?” He laughs again, more grit to the ears that fuels my wrist movement if only so I can interrupt and block out his voice.
“Ze only one who could have power over me is dead, murdered by ze gluttonous weasels you feed.”
Killian’s shoulders bunch together and his entire torso seems to tighten like pulling back on a springboard. Just when it seems like he’s about to lash out, Nikolay’s gun shifts from Killian’s forehead… to mine.
Oh no.
Every muscle in my body freezes up and my wriggling wrist, constantly seeking freedom, pauses its motion as my breath catches in my throat. I sink my teeth in my lower lip, fighting to contain the whimper that threatens to bubble free in my throat. In the corner of my eye, Killian takes a half step forward, his eyes narrowing as he quickly glances around at Nikloay’s men whose guns are still pointed in his direction, his hands curling into thick fists.
Oh god. Oh god please, I’ve only just started to live. Please, please, please!
“You know,” Nikolay continues, “ve vould have fought you all to ze very end. Mutual destruction iz better than cowardice.” Nikolay takes a step closer to me, the sound of his footfalls like a punch to the gut. I can’t tear my eyes away from the barrel as it bears down on me like a black hole, and as he gets closer, a sudden wave of cold washes over me from head to toe, like I've leapt right into the Irish Sea on New Years.
Is he going to kill me?
Oh God.
Fuck it, if he’s going to kill me right now, why hold back?
I shift my elbow and resume twisting and pulling my wrist free. The wiry rope scrapes and burns along my flesh as I fight to pull my hand free from the restricting knot. Killian takes another half-step toward me. When our eyes meet, the terrible storm is so clear that my heart aches. If we’re drowning, I’m glad he’s here.
If we die it’s better we’re together.
Then Killian’s gaze drops to my stomach and my heart with it, plummeting into the cavern of despair that threatens to swallow me whole.
“Blair,” Killian answers, his voice low.
A high-pitched wail escapes Blair as the choice is given and the urge to roll my eyes rises. Did she really think this would goanyother way? Did she still think she had a chance against his wife? Or was she relying on Killian being unable to have a hand in killing a woman?
In any other situation, she might have had that luck.
“There’s a special pit in hell for those that harm women,” Killian bites out.
Nikolay’s beady gaze leaves me, turning back to Killian just as my wrist tears free of its captivity and it takes everysingleounce of my control not to react to the burning heat driven against my skin. I keep my freedom hidden behind my other hand, wracking my mind for something,anythingto help tip this situation in our favor as the floorboards creak behind me signifying the changing movements of the guards.
Killian glances at me briefly, his jaw tensing so hard the muscle jumps just beneath his ear and then Nikolay raises the gun to Blair.
“Zo be it,” he barks.
Instinct takes over. I throw myself backward, my full weight into the back of my chair causing it to tip over and take me with it. With the guard so close, the wooden chair smacks into his legs just below the knees, taking him down with me and he falls with a clatter of limbs and a surprised cry.
Blair screams. As I go down, I catch a glimpse of Killian tackling Nikolay to the ground before I land on top of the guard. He cries out, kicking out a leg and wrenching his rifle around likely seeking a better aim at me but my hand is free. I wrench it upwards, grasping the barrel of the rifle and forcing it up and away from my body, away from Killian, and towards the second guard next to me just as he opens fire.
Fire burns into my palm as the resulting bullets thud into the calf of his companion. He drops like a sack of bricks with a scream of pain. The guard beneath me wrenches his legs free from under my chair, knocking me onto my still-bound arm in the process. He scrambles up and Blair screams again. Gritting my teeth, I roll back off my bound arm, every muscle screaming in protest. The guard towers above and Killian’s grunts and Nikolay’s yells fill the air around me. The guard strikes out, kicking me across the face and an explosion of red bleeds across my vision as pain crashes across my jaw.
I cry out, pain exploding like a firework across my face, my teeth clattering together from the blow. My head whips to the side. Copper coats my tongue where my back teeth sunk into the soft flesh of my cheek at the blow. Tears flood my eyes, my chest heaving desperately.
This is it. This is the end. It really is.