Would he have understood that keeping my father’s secret was only to protect what remained of my crumbling family?
“Cara?”
Sadie’s voice and the acrid scent of thick foundation assaulting my nose on my next breath pulls me out of my spiral. Hidden away in one of the back rooms provided by the Sts. Brigid & Emeric Roman Catholic Church, I dress and prepare to walk down the aisle with Sadie’s skillful eye making sure I’m presentable. She hovers around me, dipping back and forth between her makeup bag that’s balanced on one of the deep plum oak dressers that litter the room. Every so often, she glances at the mirror we’re in front of, my slender figure wrapped up in virgin white chiffon and framed by the gold detail around the mirror’s edge.
Wrapped up in another lie.
“Cara,” Sadie’s voice catches me again, and I glance to where she’s stopped next to me, clad in a knee-length emerald dress with her hair scooped up delicately in a loose bun and pinned in place. “Tilt your head to the left for me.”
I obey. In my rush to get ready this morning, I hadn’t been as efficient in covering Killian’s love bites as I usually am, and Sadie had worked out what they were within seconds.
Just my luck everything could unravel over something so small.
The cool press of the make-up sponge to my throat sends chills skittering over my skin and goosebumps follow, sweeping over me like the caress of a ghost.I just need to get through this; then nothing else will matter.
“I still can’t believe it,” Sadie comments and she doesn’t even try to hide the amusement in her voice.
“What?”
“You, Cara,” she replies, dabbing away with the sponge to ensure every suggestive mark is sealed. “You’re so… different. The Cara I grew up with would never have let someone in her pants before she had a ring on her finger.”
“Shhh! I’m notthatdifferent,” I hush her just in case someone lingers too close to the door, fighting to keep my voice calm. Her words irk me slightly, cutting a little too close to my own thoughts on the matter as if she can see right through my disguise.
“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing,” Sadie continues, unaffected. I watch her in the mirror as she dabs the sponge into the makeup pallet in her hand, then dabs the finishing touches against my skin, just under my jaw. Then she snaps the palette closed with a sharp crack, and her face lights up in a flash. “There! Now no one will know Killian’s fucked you six ways from Sunday.”
“Sadie!” I snap at her in a hushed whisper, a shameful warmth brushing over me like a wave and my cheeks flare as if I’ve been slapped. She merely chuckles and sets the palette down, taking my hand instead and squeezing it affectionately.
“Relax,” she grins, “I saw a confession booth on my way in, just pop in there before this starts, and you’ll be fine!”
My mouth falls open, unable to form a response as Sadie reaches up and gently twirls her fingers over the light strands of hair that frame my face, loose from my coiled updo. It’s a simple but cute style that’ll allow the pins from my mother’s veil to nestle within my hair without too much pinch and pull. Then she presses a cool palm to my cheek and smiles warmly.
“You look beautiful, Cara. I’m proud of you. I want you to know that,” Sadie murmurs, and my chin trembles faintly as my lips press together. I’m at a loss for words. Underneath the jokes, I know Sadie speaks the truth, and her support means the world to me. Her thumb skims under my eye at the lightly winged eyeliner until it meets her satisfaction before she steps back. “You’re gonna knock him dead.”
A bubble of laughter rises in my chest and escapes before I can stop it. Sadie has no idea how amusing such a thought like that is in the mafia world, but she chuckles with me all the same, and I turn back to the mirror. The dress fits me perfectly. The lace that decorates the off-shoulder neckline brushes lightly against my breastbone with each breath and it’s a surprisingly grounding sensation. As I admire myself, Sadie moves behind me with my mother’s veil in her hands. While I had never dreamed of my wedding as a little girl, when my mother passed, I knew I would include her with me somehow. This is a perfect way.
Would she be proud of me? Would she understand the secrets I keep? Or would they not even have been an issue had she still been by my father’s side?
Sadie pins the veil in place and drapes the netting over my face. It settles over my features like a cage, hiding me from all prying eyes except the ones I’m meant for…Killian’s. As the netting settles, there’s a knock at the door and my stomach flutters so intensely I fear I might throw up.
“Cara?” My father’s voice drifts from the other side of the door. “It’s time.”
A bubble of emotion clogs my throat and I smooth my hands over my abdomen in hopes the contact will ease the nausea fighting the excited butterflies in my stomach. It’s a war in there, and I’m not sure which will win.
“Oh God,” I groan and curl my trembling fingers into fists against the fabric.
Sadie’s fingers wrap around one of my firsts and she squeezes lightly, a bright smile over her face.
“Come on, Cara, you’ve got this. Nerves are normal,” she soothes, “you’re amazing. You’re strong and beautiful, and this day is for you. Besides, we’ve left Kimmy to welcome guests alone for too long. There’s no telling what damage she’s done.”
“Oh God,” I groan, “she’ll have her claws in some poor soul before I’ve even made it up the aisle!” My lips twitch at that thought; Kimmy running rampant through two mafia families with no idea who they are and no one able to stop her. It’s the lightness I need, and I take several deep breaths before I nod and Sadie opens the door for my father.
I can do this.Everyone will be looking at me, but it’s the fake me. I’m just playing a part. Once it’s over, it’ll just be Killian and me, and that’s all that matters.
“Cara…” He breathes out deeply, and his face scrunches up, turning slightly crimson as he takes me in. “You’re a right bonnie lass!” He leans close, and the scent of alcohol tickles my nose as he presses a wet, unstable kiss to my cheek. “Ma would besoproud.”
My lower lip wobbles, and the sting behind my eyes increases as my father takes my arm and begins to lead me down the small hallway towards the main hall of the Church. Sadie falls into step behind us.
This is it. Don’t fuck it up.