From his personality, I knew he’d be a volatile lover. Intense. Consuming. And one taste wouldn’t be enough. He would be addictive; I knew that. Even if I hadn’t done much with him—well, not in that sense—a part of me had always looked for him; was always aware of his presence when he was around. It was startling to admit this to myself, but it was the bare truth, sinking slowly into me.
“Are you okay?” he rasped out, still breathing down on my neck.
I hadn’t resumed the demeanor of my old self because he was still holding me. I trembled, thinking that he sounded like he cared. It was the last thing we needed; caring for each other.Thatdirection wasn’t an option.
Instead of uttering my reply, I nodded, hoping he’d get the hint; that he needed to let off me so I could think, so I could breathe, so I could be myself again. When he was this close to me, it made things extra difficult to process any brain function.
Was I okay? He’d asked and I might’ve nodded that I was, but truthfully, if I looked deep down, was I really?
No. I fucking wasn’t. In fact, every day was getting worse. Every day that passed my hate for him was starting to disappear. What troubled me more was how attracted I was to him, and how much I just wanted to submit and give in the moment those tiger eyes hypnotized me. Fighting this curling, gnawing need by the day was becoming an obsession, however what if the day came that I didn’t have any fight left to tell him to stop? What happened then? Would he really go through with it? God, I hoped not. I hoped that maybe this was a game to him, and the second I would succumb, he’d laugh it off and tell me that he was just playing mind games. If that ever happened, I would be greatly offended, and with no pride to speak of, but at least my body and heart would remain intact.
Grey wasn’t a guy to be fucked with. It was best that I knew that tonight and started seeing someone else to distract me from his charismatic advances.
“What will it take for you to stay away from me?” I asked, knowing that one of us needed to do something.
“I don’t know,” he sighed before lifting his head to the sky as if the stars held the answers. “This thing I feel for you…” He shook his head, not finishing his sentence.
This thing he felt for me…no. No. Just fucking no. Don’t even go there. We couldn’t.Fuck no. “Tell me you hate me,” I demanded, gazing at his face, begging. Desperate because my body would be volunteering any day now.
With his face still directed to the Heavens, he whispered to it, “I hate you… so much.”
Good. This was good. Hate was good. Hate was normal for us and it was something familiar. I could deal with hate. In fact, we needed to keep reminding ourselves that we did.
“Grey, whatever it is you thought was going to happen, it’ll never be,” I breathed out. “I admit that I’m attracted to you…”Distractedly. “BUT that’s all there is to it. Never think otherwise.”
When I met his darkened gaze, I knew my words had sunk in. I wasn’t quite sure if it was hurt that I saw there, yet I knew I had hit a nerve somewhere. He didn’t even bother responding, he just rounded the car and went inside it, slamming it loudly. Glancing back, he just sat there, brooding in the dark, not bothering to turn on the engine. I held my breath before I grunted his name and followed his lead. Once he saw that I was heading his way, he started the engine. The second he heard the click of my seatbelt, we were off.
Silence was our thing, and even though I knew what I had done was the right thing, a part of me was saddened about it. Being attracted to a guy you loved to hate would do that to you. I had made promises to myself, though, and I would never break them; not even for Greyson. The smoldering sinner.
It didn’t take long until we reached the dark house. Once we were parked and out of the car, I refrained from questioning him when he looked like he was walking me to the front door. It was odd but sweet—not to mention awkward—to be walked into a house that was practically his as well.
I was about to reach the door handle and push it open when I heard him say my name, making me spin around and look at him clearly. He was so close…
His scent was the kind that left a woman wanting. It lingered, making you crave… and cave. I wanted him… so much, but I couldn’t… we just fucking couldn’t.
“Liv?”
Nervously, I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Yeah?” I waited patiently. Breathlessly.
He looked like he had something to say, though he seemed to be holding it back. His darkened eyes flickered back and forth, unsure. After a good minute of hesitation, he finally spoke, “Goodnight.”
I sighed inwardly, disappointed. Regretful. “Goodnight.” I nodded, hoping he’d say what he’d wanted to say, however, when he started walking backwards, I glanced at the car and back at him, putting two and two together. “You’re going out?Again?” Okay, I was making it obvious that I didn’t want him to go anywhere. I couldn’t help it, though. My mouth had gotten ahead of me… I hated when that happened.
He nodded, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Sexy hair. “Yeah. I guess I am.”
“Where to? Can I come?”Oh, yeah?What the hell happened to distancing yourself from this man?Fuck. The thought of him with some other woman made my heart constrict. He couldn’t be, could he? I mean, he had been practically all over me less than an hour ago.
He stopped pacing backwards, looking at me with such toe-curling intensity that it robbed me of my breathing. “I hate you,remember?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, wanting to kick myself for reminding us both of that fact. “Be safe?” I managed to say, but really, I wanted to insist on going wherever he was planning to go.
“Don’t worry about me, Liv. I’ll manage,” he said before turning around and opening his car door. He gave me a quick, steady look before he then slid in and raced out of the driveway.
I got what I had wanted, and yet, I wanted to curl up and cry. I didn’t know why I was reacting this way, however it was how I felt at the moment. I had never gotten myself into a predicament like this. I didn’t know how to react or respond. How could I go on with the rest of my senior year living like this; with only a few feet between myself and him on a daily basis? How was I supposed to pretend that he didn’t affect me, that he didn’t wring me up like a pretzel; twisted and confused like a crazy girl with a bad, obsessive crush? Something had got to give; I had to do something to forget this insane, electrifying attraction I had to Greyson.
Taking my phone out, I shot Liam a message. I had to give him some piece of the truth. Something to set both of our alarm bells ringing.
Me:I feel so sad right now. I miss the times when you and I were together. I feel confused, Liam… I think I’m starting to like someone… and I hate myself for it because there’s only you… I love you.