He looks at me intently.
“I’ve never been any different than I am right now. That’s all I know.”
“What about romance?”
“Never happened.”
“Have you tried it?”
“I didn’t need to. It doesn’t do shit for me. I’ve never had the calling for it. In the same way, I’ve never been attracted to the idea of getting married or having kids. It’s just not in my blood.”
He searches my eyes.
I catch a sliver of concern and smile.
“I’m good, though. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, so don’t feel bad about me.”
“Are you sure you’re a woman?” he jokes, trying to create a more relaxed atmosphere.
I nod, stretching a smile.
“I think you know the answer to that,” I murmur before gently kissing his lips. “I have to go now,” I add.
He curls his hand around my wrist and locks my eyes.
“Stay... Please... The next round is on me,” he says, a warm grin in his eyes.
I cup his face.
“It wouldn’t work, Abel. Trust me.”
Surprise colors his gaze.
“You don’t like me?”
“I do like you... You’re a good man, and you fuck me phenomenally. And if I weren't broken, you’d be the perfect man for me.”
“Since when fucking someone phenomenally can’t tip the scale?”
I sense humor and regret in his words.
I try to backpedal, fully aware I’m not making any sense.
“I’m strange like you said, and it’s not a transient thing. Chances are I’m gonna be like that for some time, perhaps forever, and nobody deserves this type of damaged goods.”
His finger brushes my face tenderly.
“Just because you like it rough and you pay for it doesn’t mean you’re damaged,” he murmurs.
We share a stare, absorbing the meaning of his words before we laugh.
“Yeah... It doesn’t sound damaged at all,” I say, amused.
“Anyway, what I meant––”
My smile dies out.
“I know what you mean, and you may be right. There could be a path to a better, softer me, but I don’t know if I will ever find it. I can’t take anyone on that journey. Not you, of all people.”