With trembling fingers, he pulls a cigarette out of the pack. He tucks it between his lips and lights it.
His fingers rake through his hair, a long breath filling his lungs before he exhales.
“It all went downhill from there,” he says, his voice ringing out cold, simply stating a fact. “My mom’s job couldn’t pay the bills. We cut back as much as we could, and she got a second job, but it was still not enough. We struggled. She wouldn’t talk to us, but I knew what was happening to us... And her. After my dad’s death, she slipped into depression. She never asked for help and made a few bad choices... One of them was a man she hooked up with. Up to this day, I don’t know if she was looking for a rebound man or if she was just too scared to face life alone. His money helped for a little while, but he wasn’t our father and wasn’t a good man, to begin with. From that point on, things started to crumble. He began to abuse her verbally. Soon, their fights turn violent. This...” he says, running his hand across his chest, “is a blade I caught as I jumped between the two of them on a Sunday afternoon.”
He lets the silence grow, taking a drag on his cigarette. I watch the smoke flowing from his lips.
“What happened to her?” I ask.
A bitter smile creases his lips.
“I saved her life that day, but he got her eventually. She broke up with him, and things seemed to settle for a while, but he came back for her. One weekend, Sara and I went away. On Sunday evening, we found her dead in the kitchen when we returned home.”
My heart stops.
“He got sentenced to life without parole. I was seventeen, and Sara was fifteen. Within a year, we lost both our parents, and shortly after, we almost ended up on the streets.”
He takes a few long drags, the silence thickening around us.
“I’m not...” he says and then pauses, his lips flashing a sad smile, “as dirty as you think I am. Sex was a way to escape the harsh reality of my life. It wasn’t romance, and that’s exactly why it did the trick. It kept me out of my head and away from my emotional turmoil. And it worked. It was the only thing going on for me when I had nothing and I was nothing. I was drowning, caught between life and death, struggling to survive. There was nothing I could hold onto. I had no way to pull myself up. When you’re down, you’re down. That’s it. You’re only a shell without a life. You don’t live. You barely exist. At that point, I couldn’t afford to feel much. Nobody wants you or needs you, let alone loves you when you are at your lowest point. That’s why sex was my turf and my only power.”
He takes a short drag and breathes the smoke out before putting his cigarette out.
“Anyway, that’s my story,” he says, guarded.
Without saying another word, he pushes out of his chair and heads to the ocean.
My eyes linger on his scarred, inked body until his arms are spread open, and he cuts his way through the water, diving into the sparkling azure ocean.
* * *
SENNA
“I can help you,”I say, following Sara into the small kitchen.
Silently, I load up the dishwasher while she hands me the plates.
“Do you like living here?” I ask.
Glancing around, I take in the cozy place.
The beach house has two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, and a lovely patio.
You can see the ocean from the porch.
“Yes. It’s much better than in the city. I’d rather live here if I had a choice.”
“What’s stopping you?” I ask.
“It’s not up to me. Emma and I depend on Jaden,” she says.
“And?”
“If something happens with his job, we need to move back to the city,” she says, handing me another plate.
“What could happen with his job?” I ask, baffled.
She smiles.