Mia wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him as he covered his face with his hands and fought to pull his shit together. He hadn’t cried in years, not since Tulsi called things off the first time. That night, he’d ended up sobbing into his whiskey until two in the morning and puking through his morning run the next day.
Why hadn’t she told him? Maybe not at first, when she was so young and they were both hurt and full of resentment, but why not after Clem was born? Or at some point in all the years after? Had she really hated himthatmuch?
The way you hated her until you laid eyes on her again?
Pike flinched against the thought. Hehadhated her. He’d held a grudge against that woman like it was his job because…that was the only way he could get by without her. Because sometimes hating someone is the only way to survive not being allowed to love them anymore.
He’d told Tulsi the truth the other day—he really had been falling in love with her his entire life. It wasn’t just that perfect spring that haunted him. It was every summer camping trip, every time he’d plopped down on the couch between her and Mia and given them shit for the romantic comedies they watched when they were teens. It was every time he’d warned one of his friends not to look at his surrogate little sister like she was a piece of meat and every time he’d ridden a trail with Tulsi and admired her quiet assurance with horses and the gentle way she smiled. It was just Tulsi, the sweet, beautiful, seemingly fragile woman who had the biggest heart he’d ever known and a fierce, secret strength when it came to protecting the people she loved.
The thought brought back a memory, one of those few crystal clear memories from childhood that had never left him.
He’d been ten years old and had run off down the river bank to find a stick to use for a sword fight with his friends. The entire church had turned out for the annual float trip, but all the grown-ups were busy fixing lunch when the accident happened. Pike had been the only one to see six-year-old Tulsi tumble off the fallen log, as she was crossing the river, and get swept downstream in the swift current. There hadn’t been time to get a grown-up, but even if there had, Pike wouldn’t have hesitated to run down the rocky bank and dive into the water. Tulsi was his little sister’s age, but she was this tiny thing who only came up to Mia’s shoulder. The second Pike heard her cry out for help and saw her little blond head disappear beneath the water, his heart had stopped and protective instincts, he hadn’t realized he possessed at ten, had surged to the surface.
Later, after he’d pulled Tulsi from the water, all the grown-ups had called him a hero, but it was Tulsi’s arms locked tight around his neck that had made him feel like one.
Even now, nearly twenty years later, he could still recall the wonder that had filled him as he realized he’d saved the life of the little girl in his arms. And thank God he had, because she would grow up to save his, with her love and her touch and her eyes that looked past his defenses and saw every hidden piece of his heart. No one had ever known him the way Tulsi did and he would never love anyone the way he loved her. It didn’t matter what she’d done, it didn’t matter how much it hurt.
There were only two ways he was going through life—loving Tulsi or pretending to hate her while he ignored the hollow place in his life and heart where his other half was supposed to be. And he didn’t want to hate Tulsi. No matter how hurt he was right now, all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay.
“It doesn’t matter,” Pike murmured, swiping the last of the tears from his face with his fist.
“What?” Mia asked with a sniff.
“It doesn’t matter. None of it fucking matters.” He stood, lifting his hat and running a clawed hand through his hair. “I love her and she loves me and we have a little girl who’s going to need us when she wakes up. I’m going to go find her.”
“Can I come with you?” Mia asked, rising from her chair. “You’re right. There’ll be time to talk through the bullshit later. Right now, love is more important.” Mia’s lips trembled. “She’s my best friend and she shouldn’t be alone. She’s no good at it, especially when she’s upset.”
“Come on.” Pike held out his arm, tucking his sister tight to his side as they left the collection room and pushed through the swinging doors into the waiting room.
Pike’s eyes scanned the pale pink room with the faded blue chairs, but there was no sign of Tulsi or Sawyer. He was about to suggest to Mia that they check outside when Sawyer hurried in through the automatic doors, a worried expression on his face and Tulsi’s phone clenched in one hand. Bubba and Marisol weren’t far behind him.
“What happened?” Mia asked, stepping forward to meet Sawyer. “Where is she?”
“I don’t know,” Sawyer said, shaking his head. “I went outside to check on her and found her phone on the sidewalk, but no sign of Tulsi. The truck’s still here and I have the keys so wherever she went she’s on foot. I was about to go after her when Bubba and Marisol showed up.”
“I’ve got the rental car,” Bubba said. “Marisol and I can check my place and that side of downtown.”
“I figured we could check the shop and her dad’s,” Sawyer said. “I don’t think she should be by herself right now. I’m obviously not a doctor, but I’ve seen shell shock and I didn’t like the look on her face after she talked to the woman at the front desk.”
Mia cursed. “I should have come out sooner. I should have known this was going to break her.”
“She’s not going to break,” Pike insisted. “Not as long as Clem needs her. We just need to find her. Mia, I’ll ride home with you and Sawyer. If she’s not at the shop, then I’ll take your truck and head out to her dad’s while you and Sawyer check the other side of downtown.”
“We’ll check the church, too,” Sawyer said, backing toward the door. “She might have gone there.”
Fifteen minutes later, after arriving at Mia’s place and finding it locked and empty, Pike was on his way to the Hearst ranch. As he navigated the familiar roads, passing the small family farms and entrances to larger ranches he’d driven past dozens of times as he burned up the road between Austin and Lonesome Point that spring seven years ago, he grew more and more certain that love was the only thing that mattered.
He and Tulsi had already wasted so much time clinging to old hurts and stubbornly refusing to admit that neither of them had moved on. He was never going to move on, he was never going to get over Tulsi, and he didn’t want to. He wanted to be her lover and her friend and the father of her children—Clementine and those other blond babies he’d been dreaming about—for the rest of his life.
And then, finally, he would be living the dream—hisdream. It wasn’t baseball or fame or money that filled the void inside of him; it was the blonde in the rumpled dress with her hair falling down around her bare shoulders, standing in a dusty pen, hugging a black stallion around the neck in the fading light.
Pike pulled the truck slowly to a stop a good hundred feet from the fence, not wanting to spook Tulsi or the horse. The animal was one of the largest Pike had seen and he didn’t look happy. His muscles corded beneath his coat and his nostrils flared. As Pike crossed the yard, he got a better look at the beast’s eyes and wasn’t surprised that he looked wild. This horse wasn’t even green broke and Pike’s gut said the creature hadn’t spent any enjoyable time with people. He was either fresh from the wild or he’d been abused by a former owner at some point down the line.
He was also capable of killing Tulsi if he decided to lash out and assert dominance over the woman petting his neck and gently nudging his hoof with her leg. Pike made damn sure he moved slowly and deliberately as he dropped his hat onto the grass beside him before climbing up to stand on the edge of the fence. He wanted to be within an easy jump of being in the ring, just in case he had to rush in to get between Tulsi and the horse.
“Tulsi,” Pike said in a soft voice. “You okay in there?”
“He’s trying to step up on me,” Tulsi said. “But we’re working it out. I think he’s going to figure out he’s safe in a minute or two.”