“No. It’s not okay.” I unwrap the sandwich and set it on her plate. “What you mean to say is, ‘Let me get that smoked turkey,’ or, ‘Dibs on the turkey,’ or ‘The bird is mine, asshole.’ Got it? Be assertive.”
She scoffs. “That’s not assertive. That’s devolved.”
“There’s a fine line.”
“More like a gulf.” She lifts the sandwich with two hands and takes a small bite, chewing slowly before swallowing it down. “Anyone who thinks he needs to be a bully to get ahead in life is—”
“Realistic. I’m sorry, Ellie, but it’s the way things are. If you don’t want to be that guy? Fine. But you don’t get ahead in this industry by being a decent human being.”
“You and Ryan are decent. My father, for all his faults, is still a good man.”
“I’m not saying everyone in finance is an asshole. But any time you’re dealing with that much money and power, you get bullies and corruption and enough backhanded bullshit you wonder how you can drag your ass out of bed to face it another day. If you’re going to jump into those waters, you need to be prepared.”
“I don’t buy that. It doesn’t have to be that way.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I agree. “But itisthat way.”
“Doesn’t mean it can’t change,” she insists.
I shake my head, but she’s already got me grinning again. There was a time I would’ve called Ellie’s unwavering beliefs nothing more than blind hope or sweet naiveté. But now? No way. Ellie’s not going into this with her eyes closed. She’s simply determined to make the world a better place.
How could I not be on board?
"Well…that’s why you’re doing the story, right?” I ask. “To change something?”
She nods, taking another ladylike bite of her sandwich. “First I need to make people aware that something stillneedschanging. That we need to work harder and give this issue more than lip service.”
“Exactly. And in order to do that, you need to play this part. Keep that in mind and don’t shoot the messenger when I give you this next bit of advice.” I reach for her hands and fold down her delicate pinkies. “You’re not brunching with the queen. And you don’t need two hands for a sandwich anyway. Just one-fist that bad boy. Take your filthy man-mitt and show that deli meat who’s boss.”
She rolls her pretty eyes but shifts the sandwich into one hand and mimics my moves.
“Better,” I say with a nod. “You may think this is silly, but Rictor and his pals aren’t dumb. If you don’t walk the walk and eat the eat, you’re gonna get made.”
She hums as she looks out across the park, brow furrowed, the wheels in her head spinning so fast I can practically smell the smoke.
“I can see this is making you uncomfortable,” I say. “If you’d rather come back to the office as yourself, as Ellie, we can find another position—real or fake. There has to be another way for you to get the scoop.”
“Quitting isnotan option. I just… Don’t you see the irony?” She drops the sandwich onto her plate. “I’m taking pointers on how to be a guy for the sole purpose of infiltrating your company to research sexism and misogyny. And you’re saying everything I do is toofemininefor me to be taken seriously—from the way I walk to the words I use to how I chew. This kind of thing hurtseveryone. Women should have equal opportunities in the workplace, and men should be able to eat cheese any way they want without other men threatening to tear up their man cards.”
She rises onto her knees and reaches for the half-spent containers, ducking my gaze as she packs up the leftovers.
“Ellie. Please look at me.” I reach for her wrist, my fingers circling it as I stroke her soft skin. When she finally sighs and meets my gaze again, I offer a tentative smile. “You’re right. Everything you’re doing at S and H… I feel like I’ve been asleep for years, then you show up and I haven’t been able to catch a wink since. Just knowing that I’ve contributed to this, that I might have been unfair to the women in my life, even unintentionally…”
I shove a hand through my hair. Why can’t I find the words? Why can’t I tell her that I want to be better—that she’smakingme want to be a better man? And it’s not just for the sake of her story, or because it’s the right thing to do, or even because I’m into her and want her to trust me.
It’s because she fucking inspires me.
I lost my parents when I was a junior in high school. In a single heartbeat—enough time for the guy in the car beside us to glance at his texts and swerve into our lane—my happy, carefree childhood was over.
Since then, life has done its damnedest to turn me into a jaded prick—hell, work in this soul-sucking industry long enough, and your heart will shrivel up evenwithoutthe tragic backstory.
Yet Ellie makes me believe that things actuallycanchange for the better.
But I guess my troglodyte DNA is the dominant gene today, because all I manage to say now is, “You don’t need my help. You’re going to do a kickass job.”
Ellie blows out a frustrated breath, but she relaxes. “What happened to, ‘Welcome to Dude 101, insubordination will not be tolerated?’”
I lean back on the blanket and look up at the drifting clouds because if I keep looking at her I’m going to kiss her. And this time, I won’t be able to stop, no matter who interrupts us. “I’m not exactly an objective source on this anymore, El. But for what it’s worth? I think you’re in good shape. Attitude goes a long way, and you’re definitely—to quote our friend Rictor—in it to win it.”