I looked at him, speechless. How someone I had just met, could read me better than my own best friend- baffled me. I had never wanted someone to take control, to be forward, and show me I wasn’t alone. In a weird way, I had found solitude in hiding myself from the world. I wanted and needed to be independent to prove to myself that I could grow out of the shell my parents had forced me to live in all my life. I had never been protected or cared for with that type of care and intensity.
However, at that moment, I found myself craving the idea that someone might want to control me; if only to protect me. I understood what Chase was saying. This wasn’t a controlling issue in the form of abuse- but rather someone who understood not being loved and seeing in someone else the drive to want to protect them in ways others can’t understand. I was also getting hot and bothered by these thoughts racing through my mind. This man was delicious and had me wanting to do things I had never dreamed of before. My panties grew wet and my cheeks began to flush. Every rational side of my brain was screaming at me that I was absolutely and irrevocably insane. To desire to be controlled after spending years breaking free of someone else’s hold over me was mad. I knew that. But, my heart was racing through my body and begging and pleading with me to listen to what Chase was saying.
In that moment, I learned what I needed most for myself. What I needed was someone like this hot, sexy, asshole standing in front of me.
Biting my lip, I saw a smirk spread across his beautifully chiseled face. The dark stubble on his face screamed at me to touch him, but I kept my hands to myself for now.
“Tell me something real,” Chase urged. He licked his lips and I almost came right there.
“Tell me something honest,” I urged, playing my part in the games.
“I left home when I was eighteen and never looked back,” Chase said, as his eyes traveled to mine.
My breath faltered and I swear I felt like I was going to cry. Chase and I were very similar but so, so different at the same time.
“Me, too,” I said, as I held his gaze. I couldn’t believe that I had just spilled part of my secret to him. Especially, with how I acted with Avery only moments before. “Why did you leave?” I asked, unsure if he would answer honestly or not.
With a short hesitation, Chase took a swig of his beer before beginning. “My dad liked to hit the bottle and my face from time to time. I got sick of it and left when I graduated from high school,” Chase said casually, like it wasn’t a big deal. “I got into MMA fighting because I had grown up having to defend myself. I was good at it too; MMA I mean. I won a few titles and had some pretty great sponsors and then I broke my leg performing one of my signature kick moves and I was told I’d never fight again. It was tough, but then I found a job here at Hard Rock Casino and I never looked back.”
“Don’t you ever think about going back? I mean, into the MMA fighting world?” I asked.
Sucking in a deep breath, it was like my question had punched him straight in the stomach. “I think about it every day. But, it’s just not possible anymore. I broke my leg in three places. Even after surgery and months of physical therapy, I just couldn’t perform like I used to. My opponents knew it, too. They could really hurt me if I wasn’t healed one hundred percent. I just had to bow out. Maybe I will get back into MMA one day, not as a fighter, but maybe as a trainer. I don’t see myself just working security forever.”
My heart broke for him and I wanted to hold him and hug him, but I knew I should wait.
“What about you?” he asked. “I know you are full of secrets, too,” he urged.
Sucking in a deep breath, I contemplated spinning a wild story to keep him interested in the conversation. I had worked so hard to keep my identity hidden, that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell anyone else who I really was.
“I had a rather difficult life growing up. Nothing too bad really. You know the story… rich girl doesn’t get enough attention,” I lied, as I looked away from Chase.
“That’s a lie, or at least you are not telling me everything. Look, I get it if you are not ready to tell me the truth yet, but please don’t sit here and lie to me,” Chase urged.
Could I trust him? Should I trust him? Without realizing what I was doing, I opened my mouth and began to spill my secret. The real secret.
“I left home at eighteen too. My parents hated me. I had a twin, but he died at birth. In some sick and twisted way, my parents blamed me and reminded me daily that the twin they wanted had died,” I said. It was the first time I had spoken those words aloud to someone other than Avery and it sort of felt good to do so. Even though I shared a part of my truth, I wasn’t ready to expel the rest of the disgusting part of my life I had kept hidden for so long. Chase didn’t need to know that in the eyes of the world, I was long gone.
Nodding his head, Chase smiled at me and I felt my nerves settle. He had this tantalizing effect on me that caused me to relax and find a calmness I never knew existed.
It was clear that Chase was slowly becoming my new obsession. I had thought about him every day since the first day I saw him in the casino. Even though he had irritated the shit out of me, he still held a place in my heart and mind that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to explore or not. From the way Chase was looking at me now, I could tell he was dealing with the same conflict too. Our relationship was growing stronger each day and the intensity was overwhelming. How we had gone from co-workers who despised the other to now sharing our deepest secrets baffled me.
But, since I am used to pain over pleasure, I decided to try one last trick to see if he was really interested in me, Lizzie.
“Wow, that’s tough. Hopefully, you will find a way back to MMA,” I said, hoping I was right.
“Maybe. So, what about you? I am dying to hear what makes Lizzie so fascinating,” he urged.
I decided to test him- to make him prove that what he was saying was honest and real. Being with guys who had tried to win me over with sweet words and promises they could never keep, I knew exactly the right words to say to make him go running through this bar ready to pick up the next female he encountered.
“Nothing too exciting about me,” I sighed.
Leaning across the table, Chase lowered his hungry eyes at me and I felt myself tense. “Trust me, I can imagine a few exciting things about you,” he breathed, winking at me.
Oh shit, was he coming on to me? I had been fantasizing about him just moments ago, but hearing the sultry words he spoke, made me wonder if he felt the heat between us.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I suddenly forgot how to form words.
Chuckling, Chase settled back in his chair. “Forgive me if I am coming on too strong, but when I look at you, I just can’t help myself. You are so sexy and there are so many things I would love to do to you.” Chase’s eyes drank me in as though I was a meal he was about to feast upon.