“How long ago that seems,” I said softly.
“Does it?” He strode over to a window, running a hand through his hair and looking out toward the gardens, although it was now getting dark.
“Ever since the ball I’ve been able to think of nothing but you,” he said abruptly, rendering me silent. “And to think you were at the palace gates, trying to reach me and being turned away.” He cut himself off and shook his head. “That’s not what matters right now. I tried to explain things last night, but then we were interrupted, and—” He turned to face me with a wry look. “I was floundering even before Jerome arrived. I think my explanations at the ball might have made things worse.”
I gave him a small smile. “Maybe.”
Rek claimed he’d been thinking of me constantly since the ball whereas I had spent that time trying very hard not to think about him. But despite the intense distractions provided by the thieves, I hadn’t succeeded nearly as well as I would have liked.
His eyes caught mine. “All that thinking—I’ve realized that I can’t lose you, Zaria. Not again. And that means I need to tell you everything—from the beginning.”
“Everything?” I frowned. “About the traitor and the gang? Is there more I don’t know?”
“What? No, I don’t mean about the thieves. I mean everything about us—about our history from my perspective.”
I wanted to protest that we’d already discussed what happened after my father died and agreed it was neither of our faults. But the look of determination on his face held me silent.
“Do you remember when you arrived here?” he asked but didn’t wait for me to answer. “You were five, just a few months older than the twins and a year younger than Adara. I was seven then—nearly eight—and I thought myself so grown up.” He laughed.
“But even though you were younger,” he continued, “I could tell from the beginning that the twins had found the perfect addition to our small group. You were so small—not to mention alone in a strange place, surrounded by new people—but you weren’t afraid to dive straight into our madcap adventures. And yet, at the same time, you had enough sense to balance Adara and the twins’ more outrageous moments.”
“The four of you were like a whirlwind,” I murmured. “You swept me up, and my feet didn’t touch ground again for ten years. But you were pulling away from the rest of us toward the end.”
“You remember that?” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Yes, if I thought myself grown up at seven, I thought myself a great deal more so at seventeen. I was close to coming of age—with all the extra freedoms and responsibilities that would bring—and I wanted to make Father proud.”
“That’s natural,” I said, “and reasonable. We couldn’t stay children forever, and you were the oldest of us.”
“But then the twins turned fifteen,” he said. “Do you remember the celebration for their birthdays?”
“Of course.” I laughed. “It was a memorable occasion. I was terrified.”
He gave me an incredulous look. “If that’s true, you hid it well.”
I shook my head. “It was never a good idea to let the twins scent fear.”
“Still isn’t,” he muttered, and I laughed again.
The twins’ birthday had been significant because Adara had already turned sixteen. Her entire wardrobe had changed, her outfits redone in grown up styles, and she had started being included in balls and royal events—practice for when she came of age and gained her freedom. For two years she would have one foot in the adult world and one in the world of children.
She had been looking forward to it for years, but she constantly bemoaned the age gap between us, impatient for me to turn sixteen as well. She couldn’t bring me along to balls, but when the twins threw their extravagant party—one exclusively for the youthful residents of the palace, since they were yet to reach sixteen themselves—she had been struck by a determination to dress me up to match her.
All my protests were swept aside and ignored. Eventually I gave in and let her have her way, arranging my hair and loaning me some of her clothes. She was delighted with the result, and in private I admitted to being pleased with the effect myself. But when we actually arrived at the party, I was petrified.
“However I looked on the outside,” I said, “I was trembling with fear inside. I thought your parents would drop in to wish their sons happy birthday, and I had convinced myself they would be shocked to see me pretending to be sixteen. I was so irrationally afraid, I thought they would instantly dismiss my father and turn us both out on the street.”
“When in actual fact, Mother would have taken one look at you and known the whole thing was Adara’s idea.” He gave me a questioning look. “It was, wasn’t it?”
I nodded. “Of course it was. It always was.”
A look of arrested surprise appeared on Rek’s face. “I wonder if she knew,” he said softly. “Then and since. I wouldn’t put it past her.”
“Knew what?” I asked, confused by the turn in the conversation.
“Knew me better than I knew myself. At least back then.” He took a step closer to me, his voice dropping. “Knew the effect you would have on me.”
I swallowed, saying nothing.
“It was certainly a revelation to me,” he said softly. “For years you had been a friend and companion—so much a part of our group that I never questioned your place at our side. But everything changed that night.”