Maybe, from his perspective, it is. But I know that Dominic is a nice guy. I’ve seen this side of him. And nice guys, whether they’re like Dominic or my dad, they tend to fall through the cracks of the legal system. With Dominic, that might not happen because of the incompetence of his lawyer, but rather because someone might pay other people to lie and say they saw things that aren’t true.
In today’s world, money can buy everything. It can buy the truth. It can buy lies. And anything in between. That’s not the world I want to live in, because that is the world that took my father away from me and destroyed my family. Everything I’ve ever done since then has been in an effort to change the way things are, because all it takes is for a few individuals to start the revolution, and then, the whole world will follow. Only, no one wants to be that first person, because being the one to start something, to ignite the fire is a scary thing. It isn’t for everyone.
“Your boss has the best lawyer in town,” he accentuates this fact. “Rich people always do. So, if he’s innocent, he doesn’t have anything to worry about. Maybe even if he’s guilty.”
“Dad…” I frown.
At that moment, he looks at me strangely, as if he just realized something, something that I didn’t want to share with anyone.
“Lilly…” he says my name in a way I don’t like. “Are you in love with your boss?”
My cheeks immediately turn red. There is no way I can hide anything from him. I guess I’m lucky that it’s only my dad here. Otherwise, my mom would know as well, and she would already start the wedding planning.
“No,” I say with a heavy sigh, then quickly correct myself, because I’m not really telling the truth. “Yes.” Then, another addition to clarify completely. “I don’t know.”
“So, all of the above?” he asks, smiling. At least, he doesn’t want to make this more awkward than it already is. I nod in agreement. “Then, that means a clear yes.”
“I suppose,” I gush, lowering my voice. I feel like today, this is my place of confession. The worst place in the world where you’d want to confess anything, but there you go.
“Does he share your feelings?” my dad inquires in a polite and rather official way. I almost chuckle at the question, feeling like we’ve reverted back to the Victorian times where the father needs to know everything about the young gentleman in question, so he can decide whether or not to bless the marriage.
“I don’t know.” This time, I say the truth, because I really don’t know.
Sometimes, I think he’s looking at me in a way that might hide something, but at other times, I think it’s probably all in my mind. Just wishful thinking.
“How can you not know?” he asks me, confused. “Men aren’t very good at hiding their emotions, you know.”
“This man is,” I knit my eyebrows. “Trust me.”
My dad’s lips come together in a gesture of incredulity, but he doesn’t say anything immediately.
“Besides, even if he does,” I quickly continue, more in an effort to convince myself than to convince him, “we can’t be together. It wouldn’t work. There is his daughter, and if we get involved, then we get her involved as well. He doesn’t want to risk hurting her in any way.”
“So, you’ve discussed this then,” he wonders.
“Yes,” I say, keeping the details such as me losing my virginity with him to myself. “We uhm… kissed. And after that happened, we discussed that it wouldn’t be wise to deepen that into anything more… well, serious.”
“I see,” he nods, not really saying much else.
“So, it doesn’t really matter,” I quickly add, wanting to finish this conversation, mostly because I don’t know where I stand in it. It’s difficult to have such conversations where you can’t really answer many of the questions being asked for the simple reason that you yourself don’t know how to answer them. “I don’t want that kiss to happen again, because it’ll jeopardize my job, and that’s the last thing I want.”
This is a lie. I want that kiss to happen. I want everything to happen again and again, but I know the risks that will follow immediately. Marley is such a sweet girl, and just like Dominic, I don’t want to hurt her in any way.
“Are you sure you aren’t sacrificing too much of yourself for something that isn’t really your fight?” he suddenly asks.
“What do you mean?” I pull away, stunned by his question. I’m not even sure what exactly he means, but I don’t like it.
“I know why you want to become a lawyer,” he says. “It’s all because of me.”
“Well… of course,” I confirm. “Your cause has given my life meaning.”
“No,” he shakes his head suddenly. “I’m afraid that I might have burdened you with it, shackled you even.”
“No,” I shake my head as well. “That isn’t true. You know it’s not. None of this is your fault.”
“It’s not yours either,” he smiles softly. Sadly somehow. “I can’t help but wonder whether you would have other desires, like maybe being a teacher. You’re so good with kids.”
“There is no point wondering, dad,” I stop him right there. “This is our reality. The only one we have. It hurts to think that in some parallel universe where I’m a teacher, you live at home with mom. That is the reality I would want for myself, not for that alternate me.”