“Can you not? Please, don’t joke. I am terrified.”
“I’m not joking,” Owen replied, sitting up and spinning around so that he faced her, cross legged. “Who says I have to freak out? You need support. Am I worried? About you and the baby, absolutely. But I...” Owen shrugged. “I’m happy. Pregnant or not. I choose to believe in happiness. Maybe that’s weird. But whatever. Look,” Owen took her hand and kissed it, placing his other hand on her belly. “I want to be there for you, regardless. I want to help you get through this. All freaking out included... you’re not alone. I swear.”
Tegan was silenced for a minute. Unsure of how to take this. He was reacting far better than she imagined, than she ever would. Hedidlook nervous. Worried. But she didn’t get the feeling it was the usual type of panic. He was worried about her, worried if things were alright. She told him about her appointment to find out the results, and he asked if she would want him there.
Of course she wanted him there. Either way, positive or negative, it was right they find out together.
* * *
Owen ventured into the bathroom and stood over the toilet. Once done, he checked back to see Tegan sound asleep, facing away from him. He closed the door before flushing, so as not to wake her. He moved over to the sink but found the act of washing his hands an extended task as the reality of what she had said washed over him. He leant against the sink and stared at the water running from the tap.
Pregnant. He was going to be a father. Sick. She would be in for a huge fight. Only one of those, he felt he could help her with: the latter. It hadn’t been confirmed, but it was possible. Was he ready for this? Was anybody? His life was so unorthodox. Could he possibly take her and a baby on in his life and give them the proper time? Could he give her medical appointments and treatments the respect they deserved? How could he hope to shield her from the media? They weren’t a couple. Did she even want to be with him?
These questions and more flooded his brain, unravelling the calmness of his mindset when reassuring Tegan. He had meant what he said to her, that he would be there. He wanted to believe she would be OK. He had meant what he said to her, that he would be there. And the first test of his word would come the very next day.
9
“Are you sure?”Owen asked.
Tegan smiled. “For the fiftieth time, yes. It’s OK. I’ll make it for tomorrow. Go do your commercial. It’s only a day shoot right?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t trying to guilt trip you into changing it. I was just asking what time it was to see if I could get the shoot out of the way. Then he’s happy, dad’s happy, and I get to spend the rest of my time with you.”
“Owen, it’s fine. While you were getting your shoes on, I left a message for the doctor to give me a call. Like you said, the results won’t change either way. Go.”
Owen kissed her before making his way out the door. Tegan made herself a cup of tea and sat on the couch. Had she known she was going to shift her appointment, she wouldn’t have asked for today off. Fiona had offered to cover for her, proving again what a lifesaver she was. She took a sip as her phone buzzed with her doctor’s ringtone.
“Hey, Lucy, thanks for returning my call. Sorry I have to reschedule but—”
“Tegan...”
She had been going to Dr. Lucy since she was a teen. It had taken a few years until she could call her a friend, but all through those years, Tegan had never heard Lucy say her name like that.
“You need to come in.”
“Yeah, sorry, I can’t. Something has come up and I tried to move things around, but—”
“Tegan... I’m sorry. I don’t care what you have to move around. I need you to come in. Today.”
A familiar, dreaded sense of wanting to be sick came over her. “Oh God... it’s bad isn’t it?”
“You know I can’t tell you over the phone. But it’s important. When you get to the desk, ask them to page me. See you soon.”
And the line went dead. Tegan put the phone down and covered her mouth.
Almost forty-five minutes later, Tegan made herself known to the receptionist and was asked to take a seat. She sat and watched toddlers on their knees, playing with the old toys found in the practice. She smiled at the few who could be bothered to turn away from their monster battles. And most smiled with her.
It didn't feel right being here to hear the news without Owen. She didn't want to keep this from him, and she really didn't want to be alone, but she felt telling him her fears about how Lucy acted on the phone would cause him to ruin his shoot.
“Tegan...” came Lucy’s voice, standing outside her office. “Come in.”
Tegan did so, and Lucy closed the door after her. Tegan sat opposite the small table in the room, unable to hold her tapping feet still.
“OK, I’ll get right to it... we found cancer Tegan,” she said, looking straight at her.
Tegan swallowed, unsure and hoping she hadn’t heard correctly. “Oh Christ...”
“You have what’s called germ cell cancer. It’s a type of ovarian cancer that grows within the eggs of the ovary. Now look, I know when someone says ‘cancer’ people naturally assume the worst. But the truth is research has come a long way. That's why I wanted you in as quickly as possible. Depending on what stage you’re at, we could still have plenty of options to look at.”