“What—?” she starts to ask, but I answer her with my mouth on her sex. When our clothes are off and our defenses are down, when all we are doing is feeling, we are one. I can’t give that up. Not yet.
I flatten my tongue and drink down her essence. Her core is wicked hot and sticky. I eat it all, filling my lungs with her scent and flavor until she’s thrashing on the bed. Mouth and heart full, I strip off all my clothes and plunge into her. She throws her head back and screams as her third orgasm catapults her back into the plane of ecstasy. I let myself go this time.
“You’ll never leave me,” I vow, thrusting so deep into her that I can feel her womb against my cockhead. “I’ll never let you go.”
eight
CHARLEE
“Let me.”
“Sit.” I bat Rowan’s hand away from trying to help me. He doesn't look like he wants to listen to me. He’s fighting himself. He does that far too much for my liking, and it’s time for that to change if he wants to do more than put the divorce papers away. “Sit,” I say again with more force this time. “I enjoy taking care of you, Rowan. I’ve missed doing it,” I admit. He relaxes, taking a step back.
“If you didn’t, you’d tell me, right?” he asks, putting those kid gloves back on. I enjoy them at times. Especially when he’s trying to protect me from the world. But I don’t want him to don them in every aspect of our lives. I do know he enjoys taking care of me, the same way I do doting on him.
“Yes. I’ve learned my lesson. I need to be clearer in the things I say and want. I need to speak up more.” I finish putting the cookies onto the plate. “Start us a fire.”
“We never got a tree,” he points out as he goes over and does as I ask him.
“Tomorrow. It might be fun to put the tree up on Christmas.” The last holiday season hadn’t been our best one, so the thought of us having this one together gives me hope for our future.
“It’s nice being disconnected from the world,” Rowan says.
“It is.” I bring the plate over to the coffee table. “Hot chocolate?”
“If you’re having some.”
I return to the kitchen and make us both a cup. He comes to take them over to the sofa for me. I grab a throw blanket for us. Even after my orgasm induced nap, I’m still a bit worn out. Cuddling in front of the fire sounds perfect. Especially with the snowstorm raging outside.
“I want to get everything out in the open, Rowan. I don’t want there to be these unspoken things between us anymore.”
“I want that too.” He pulls me to sit in his lap. “This last year has been hell.”
“I know. I’m sorry. It just really hurt when I told you I didn’t want anything to do with that girl, and well…” I take a deep breath. “You didn’t do anything about it.” I let the words I’ve wanted to say for so long slip past my lips.
“Sweetheart—”
“Rowan.” I cut him off. The last thing I want to hear is excuses.
I get it. I might have been a bit extreme, but I’d felt as though he was disregarding my feelings. He didn’t get it because he knew he wanted nothing to do with the woman. He didn’t return her feelings in any way. But I know if it had been a man who had come on to me, he would have been long gone. It wouldn’t have mattered if they were under someone else's contract or not. “Please don’t—”
“She’s gone. I should have made it happen then. I get it now. You never ask for anything really. Before this I can’t remember a time where you were so upset. I vowed to take care of you, and I fucked up. I made a mistake. I underestimated how much it hurt you, and it was stupid on my part. Like I said, you never ask for much. I should have known.” I’ve waited so long for him to say those words to me.
My eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry too. I know it’s my past. When I met you, I felt heard for the first time in my life. You never dismissed me, and I think in that moment when that happened I freaked out. It’s not all on you.”
If I’m being honest with myself, I have to admit that I bear some of the blame. I could have easily spoken up and told him how I felt instead of holding all of those feelings inside. That him not doing more made me feel second in his life. But once I went down that path, I couldn't seem to find my way back. Then he was giving me space like I’d asked, and I hated it. It let my insecurities grow in my mind.
“You’re being too kind. You always are. One of the million reasons I fell in love with you.” He pulls me in closer to him. “I’ll do better, but know I’ve never stopped loving you, Charlee, and I never will. But we’re not going to make it if we can’t be honest with one another.”
“Or if we hold back,” I add with a challenge.
“I never want to hurt or scare you.”
“You don’t scare me.” I shift to straddle him. “What scares me is when you pull away. That didn’t help with any of this. I honestly thought if I pulled back from you and threatened you with a lawyer, you’d come bulldozing your way back to me. It shocked me when you gave me space.” He closes his eyes for a long second.
“It scared me. The things I wanted to do when you told me you wanted a divorce. Hell, some of the fantasies I’d had even before then I was worried would send you running.”
“What did you want to do?” I can already feel Rowan’s cock thickening under my ass.