“Don’t tell him but I’m secretly excited to have Reginald back,” Sage confided. “I love when everyone’s here for Halloween and the holidays. And he is a lot of fun at a party. Even when he has to behave for Robin. Think you’ll stick around?” His voice rose hopefully, making Declan feel blessed.
Never once felt blessed until I came to Lake Cliff.
A soft smile curved Declan’s lips. He’d gotten it into his head as a child that the only way he’d ever be blessed or make it into Heaven was if he was perfectlygoodand never caused any trouble. And he had hoped that by proving he was an angel, he would be forgiven for his father’s and brother’s sins. The idea sank into Little Declan’s psyche like an anchor because he’d always felt lost and alone, especially with his family.
His mother was the center of Declan’s universe and he loved her as any good son should. But she had been too blind to understand that she was just another one of Mickey’s victims. She had gaslit herself into believing Mickey might have loved her and that her boys meant something to him. In reality, it was her proximity to Mickey on the family tree that saved her from the fate that befell most of his mistresses. Being first cousins and getting caught by the family matriarch had made Mickey’s shame impossible to sweep under the rug. He couldn’t shut her up and make her disappear like the others so Mickey had to turn up for Frank and Declan’s Communions and for holiday meals.
Declan’s brother, Frank, idolized Mickey and was in a hurry to follow in their father’s footsteps. But Declan somehow understood that something was terriblywrongwith his family at a very early age. It was all but forbidden to acknowledge that Mickey even had kids. Declan sensed the tension and eventually understood that his father had molested his underage cousin. The family had been forced to endure the shame for Grandma Margaret’s sake, with Declan carrying the brunt of it in the schoolyard and around the neighborhood.
“I’m pretty sure I’ll stick around,” Declan replied. “This already feels more like home,” he added, making Sage cheer as he dabbed at the canvas.
“I was hoping we could keep you.”
There you go. Blessed again.
Why would Declan ever want to leave? His whole life, Declan had been treated like a monster by association. His mother didn’t get it and she didn’t want to move too far away from the old neighborhood and Mickey’s protection. So, Declan often found himself without friends and shunned by neighbors and his teachers. Decent people didn’t want anything to do with the son of a vicious gangster.
“I barely even know him! I’m gonna be a priest, I swear!”
But it didn’t matter how good or quiet Declan was; no one ever trusted him or wanted to take a chance because nothing good could come out of associating with Mickey Winterstone’s son. The incest was the repulsive cherry on top that made people’s faces pinch whenever they saw Declan. They probably patted themselves on the back for being polite, but Declan saw their thinly-veiled disgust.
Theonlygood thing Frank had ever done for Declan was call to say goodbye. He didn’t apologize or say he wished he’d been a better brother; Frank just said that an attorney would be contacting Declan soon.
“Take care of Mom and keep staying out of trouble, I guess.”
“I’ll always take care of Mom. Where are you going?”
That was as close to “I love you” as either of them ever got. But the rest of the brief call set off alarm bells and Declan called Speed as soon as Frank hung up. It was terrifying, but Declan went with his gut and trusted Speed. And everything began to go right for Declan as soon as he landed. Captain Denver Walsh walked right up to Declan as he came off the jet bridge and greeted him as if they’d been friends their whole life. They all treated Declan with respect and made him feel like he was decent, for once.
“It’s nice to feel wanted and I’ll find a way to repay you all,” he told Sage.
“Stop it. There’s nothing to repay. It’s hard making friends with ‘civilians’ and you’ve been awesome company when Jeremy’s out of town.”
Out of town.
That was one way to put it.
Declan heard that Speed’s arrival in Lake Cliff had been rocky and the situation with him and Lavender had been tense. It was easy to understand why Speed would have a hard time trusting a hitman, but Declan liked the elegant, older man. Unlike Mickey and Frank, Lavender put his family and his friends first. And no one was expected to prove their worth to Lavender; he didn’t need to exploit or manipulate anyone to make himself stronger.
Perhaps it was because Declan had been raised in a world run by killers and con men, but he felt safe around Lavender. It was easier, knowing that he was at the very bottom of the food chain and of no interest to the apex predator. Lavender wasn’t a bully or short-tempered so Declan didn’t have to walk on eggshells to remain on his good side and avoid his wrath. That fight or flight instinct was never triggered and Declan felt at ease in Lavender’s home and in his presence.
“Do you think you’ll stay with Reginald and Paul when they get back?” Sage asked, snapping Declan back to the present.
“Hmmm…” Declan stalled. He’d gotten to know Paul and Reginald pretty well, despite only meeting them once in person, at the wedding. They often chatted through the various screens and speakers around the house. Declan adored them, but… “Toly and Wilder said I could stay with them and I might. It seems like it would be quieter over there,” he added with an apologetic wince, making Sage laugh.
“You’re probably right. And you’re welcome to our guest room too. Robin and Rose can get a little excited now and then, but most of the time it’s too quiet around here. Especially when Robin and Jeremy are both away.”
“Really? I might take you up on that,” Declan said, ducking his head as his face became warm. “You’ve all been so generous. I should probably get a place of my own at some point,” he mused.
“What’s the rush? Starting over is hard and people rarely get the opportunity to take their time.”
Sage was right, of course. Of all the people he’d met since arriving in Lake Cliff, Declan felt the most at ease and like he had the most in common with Sage. They often hung out while Lavender was away.
“I know I want to teach, I just don’t know where. There’s an opening in Lake Cliff, but I’m not sure if I want to teach middle schoolers. From the looks of my inbox, I could teach in any high school I want in Chicago. But I’d be starting over alone in a new city when I’ve made so many friends here.”
“Denver and Ezra have a place in Chicago. So does Kat and her son, Henry. We’re up there just about every other weekend,” Sage said, then smirked as he looked around the canvas at Declan. “And I have a feeling you might meet someone special soon. If you haven’t met him already.” He winked and Declan groaned as he scrubbed his face.
“I keep telling you he isn’t into me like that.”