“Why haven’t you bought a car yet, Dec?”
“Well… I haven’t really needed one, they’re terrible for the environment, and they’re kind of a waste of money if you ask me.”
“Very true, but nothing says ‘I might get on a plane and never come back’ like borrowing a basic-ass Subaru from a friend while you’re couch-surfing at another friend’s place. Have you boughtanyclothes since you’ve been here?” Speed asked carefully.
“Um…” Declan winced as he looked back at Reginald and Paul’s house. “I picked up some boxers and socks when Sage took me to Target,” he said, causing Speed to flinch.
“God almighty,” he whispered under his breath. “You gotta want more for yourself.”
“Some of us aren’t obsessed with clothes and cars, Speed.”
“That’s great and I love that about you, but I’d have reservations about dating a guy who was backpacking through the Midwest if I was Beesley,” Speed countered, then pointed a finger gun at Declan. “Gotcha there. You might not give a shit about cars or clothes, but they say a lot about how you see yourself and where you’re going. And right now, you aren’t coming across as invested in yourself or your future here.”
“I see what you mean… This is why I came to you. The other guys would have just told me to be myself, but you and I both know that isn’t going to work. No wonder he can’t take me seriously.”
That earned a weary sigh from Speed. “There’s nothing wrong with you and Beesley likes you just the way you are. But, your head is swarming with brain bees and you just need to trick them into calming down so you can be yourself.”
“That’s exactly how it feels!” Declan whispered as he stared at him. Speed had always been good at reading and understanding people. He could get under someone’s skin like a surgeon and take them apart from the inside. Or, he could see into a person’s heart and sympathize with their trauma. He was the only one who saw how being Mickey’s son ate at Declan and Speed was the one who helped him escape.
Twice.
There was no doubt in Declan’s mind that he would have died when his mother sent him to stay with Mickey. She thought it would toughen Declan up and that Mickey would care more about her if she gave him two good sons to follow in his footsteps. It had been Declan’s worst nightmare and the abuse haunted him almost as much as the evil he had witnessed in his short time at his father’s side. Thankfully, Speed had threatened Mickey if he didn’t set Declan free and send him home.
He had saved Declan’s life, but it had been a life of hiding in the shadows in shame until Speed truly set him free. The end of Mickey Winterstone and Declan’s arrival in Lake Cliff was like Dorothy’s arrival in Oz. He stepped out of a dreary grayscale world and into vibrant technicolor. But there was no Wicked Witch hunting Declan, he was simply free to be the Cowardly Lion and live happily ever after.
“How do you always know?” Declan asked Speed.
He made apffftsound and tossed a hand dismissively. “Habit. You remember what it was like where we came from. You had to watch people closely and keep your head on a swivel or someone would stab you in the back.”
“Literally,” Declan muttered as he nodded.
“You’ve always looked like you were fighting with the voices in your head. Like you were more afraid of them than whatever was going on around you,” Speed said.
Declan narrowed his eyes at him. “Now you’re getting spooky. The voices are always telling me to run,” he said and Speed laughed.
“Your instincts served you well, but you don’t have to run anymore. You’re safe here and Beesley’s a great guy. I’ll break your legs if you tell him I said so, but he’s a great guy and he’ll take good care of you,” he added, raising his brows at Declan. “And if I’m seeing it and telling you, you can take it to the bank, Dec.”
Declan nodded quickly in agreement. Speed would never blow smoke up his ass or steer him wrong. “I just need a car and more clothes,” he said, building a mental checklist.
“Trust me,” Speed said, his hand locking firmly around Declan’s shoulder. “Tell Beesley you need a car because you’re staying and he’ll take it from there,” he predicted.
“That would be so great,” Declan said and he was almost giddy with relief. “I’ll owe youbigif this works.”
“You could ask me to be your best man,” Speed replied with an airy wave.
A startled giggle burst from Declan. “There’s no way!” His hand clapped over his mouth. “Not the part about you,” he reassured Speed once he had recovered. “You’re the best man I’ve ever met and that would be a dream, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I might not even make it to Chicago. And even if I did and the weekend wasn’t a disaster, there’s no way this will last. I’m still a sad, boring nerd under all this anxiety.”
“Don’t be shocked when you find out that works for Beesley. I bet he thinks nerds are sexy.”
“That would be a miracle,” Declan sighed dreamily.
“There you go,” Speed said, turning Declan toward the door and giving his shoulders a final reassuring squeeze and patting him on the back. “Think about all the nerd sex you’re going to have this weekend while you’re packing and getting ready.”
Declan jumped and shrank away from Speed, but he felt a rush of hope and excitement at the thought of finally going all the way with Atlas. Whatever that meant for him. “I’m gonna go pack and try not to think too much about that or else I will chicken out.”
ChapterThirteen
“He’s probably more nervous than you are,” Atlas told himself, but he couldn’t seehow.